Going it alone

I am the wife of a traveling husband. After almost eight years of marriage, I have gotten used to the whole routine. In the beginning it was bad. After children it was worse. But now that the kids have gotten a bit older it's really become easier for all of us.

Since he works late most evenings, which forces me to be creative with our evening activities, it's not the witching hour that is difficult when he is away. It's the mornings. Since he leaves late in the morning to compensate for coming home after the kids are in bed, he gets up with the kids, gets them fed, reads them some books and helps get us ready for the day. When he's gone, it's the 13-hour shift for me. (As all you moms know.)

Traveling husband might mean a evening of extra laundry or packing for him. But for me, it's at least a day-long process to mentally prepare and plan for the week (or two) alone.

Many moms do this. The wives of pilots, consultants, military, doctors (who are on call all week), politicians have to deal with trip after trip on a monthly, or for many weekly, basis. Someone asked me last week how I manage my time without the extra hands, dinners for three and bath/bed.

1. Keep busy and make plans. Have at least one big activity planned for each day. It helps break up 'what-can-be' a very long day.

2. Make time for yourself. Get a babysitter or a friend to stay with your kids so you can run the errands you need to run or just sit and have a coffee. It's hard going it alone without a break. Get some help if you can.

3. Make easy dinners you can all eat. It's tempting to order pizza or make mac and cheese every night. Do that a few nights. But after a week you'll feel gross. Make a big salad or a big pot of stew for yourself (or your kids, too) and eat off of it during the week. Buy pre-made or pre-mixed things to make your evenings easier. There's nothing worse than dealing with kids alone all day then having to race to make dinner, clean up and do bedtime.

4. Go to the grocery store solo before your husband leaves. Or better yet, send him! It's hard for me to take 2 kids to the store so I try to get there before so I only have to run in and grab milk and bread if necessary.

5. Do baths every other night so you're not bogged down with this extra chore every night.

6. Consolidate bedtime rituals as much as you can. Don't knock yourself if you have to use a DVD/music to keep them occupied while you put the other child to bed.

7. Put kids to bed early. Sometimes at the end of a long day alone, I prefer to get them in bed 30 minutes early. I know they will wake earlier, but somehow it seems easier to manage everything in the morning.

8. Try to make everything fun. It can be hard to make the whole week a game, but we try to "mix it up" a bit when dad's away. I do breakfast for dinner, have a movie night, let them wear whatever they want, make pancakes for breakfast, or go out for dinner at a real restaurant.

Really, it's about having a plan. Everyday involves a well-planned out list of activities that take us from the morning to the late evening. Busy is better when we're going it alone.

Lovin' Chick-fil-A

Ok, while I do try to limit our fast food intake to once every couple of weeks, more times than not it's about a once-a-week treat for the kids. The one thing Chick-fil-A has going for it is over McDonalds is the kid's meal toy. They are not toys, but books or CDs. Most of the time they make great car activities, and if they are destroyed, no big deal. But a few months back, on the way to the playground for a picnic we hit the Chick-fil-A kid meal jackpot!

With my two meals, I got two different Between the Lions CDs (a green and purple one). Now I know my kids haven't seen the show, since we don't have TV, but I think somewhere along the way I must have seen this on PBS. But the CD is great! It's full of songs about the alphabet, rhyming and word structure, and contains fun stories that even I knew from childhood like the Gingerbread Man.

When Alex needs quiet time or wants to build with Legos, he retreats to his room, turns on the CD and listens to the songs/stories over and over again. Today he asked me if we could get another one to add to our collection. I thought about FreeCycling to see if someone had one lying in the back of their car. How could I get another one? He loves it so much, and it seems to amuse him for good chunks of time. I knew I would have to locate one . . . quickly.

A friend came over to play this afternoon with her twins and we were talking about the CDs. She says to me: Wait a minute, I think I might have one in my bag.

Sure enough, she pulls a red one out of her bag that he doesn't have. (We only need the orange one to complete our collection.) She admited she was prepared to just toss it. Alex was delighted to have a new one for his collection. Thank God for mommy friends and diaper bags.

Preschool Gift Ideas: Toys

So the holiday-buying season is here again. I swear I thought it was just Halloween. There have been a few discussions on my Yahoo mom groups about good gifts to give kids. I thought this might be something to investigate, starting with looking around our house at the toy favorites. My kids are in the two to four range, but many of these were purchased when they were even younger so they ended up being good toy "investments."

By far the number one favorite in my house these days are the Legos--Duplos and big kid Legos. They love them. They don't build big elaborate things, but they love building. Which then led me to think they might like some different kinds of blocks like Bristle Blocks/Krinkles. Do you remember those?

Dress up falls a pretty quick second with my kids. Both of them love to dress up. We have animal, princess, knight, Elmo, dragon and Buzz Lightyear costumes--shoes, hats/crowns, and accessories to boot. They may not do anything in their costumes other than run around the house, pretend to shop, build or eat, but the costumes seem to change the tone of their play. One of the favorite accessories for Anna has become her "clip clap" shoes. Those are the cheap plastic ones with pictures of princesses on them, butterflies or flowers. She loves them. In fact, every girl loves them so much that I bought an extra pair on sale after Halloween to fill our dress up corner for friends who come to play. Alex and Anna both love the foam swords when they're playing dress up. I know weapons in the house are probably not a good idea, but I figured if they were foam would could reduce the rate of injury. I bought ours at Tree Top Toys, but the Lego store in Tyson's had some fun ones.

While we're talking about pretend, both kids love Anna's little tea set. Believe it or not they both will sit down to the table and have tea. How very civilized they look until someone throws the cup at the other. The stroller and shopping cart have become a favorite for Anna. She doesn't necessarily put the doll or food in, pretty much everything goes in it. But in her mind she has a mission and is playing some kind of game with all of it.

We bought our daughter a cash register for her second birthday, and it gets a lot of use by both kids. They have started to combine the play of the cash register in with the shopping cart and play food. Anna just likes to sort the money in it. The one we have has a scanner and a little microphone. It also is a working calculator.

Lately my kids have fallen in love with books on CD. An aunt sent a few Curious George books along with the accompanying CD. My kids love to sit down and listen to the story. For them it's good downtime without the TV.

Musical instruments tend to dominate a noise level in our house--besides the clip clap shoes and screaming. Turn on the music and immediately the drums, xylophone and recorders come out. Last year someone gave Alex a Saxoflute. Great, great gift. Also it's one of the few toys not made in China!

Arts and Crafts are fun for kids of all ages. Anna tends to be my little Picasso and will spend quite a long time crafting and drawing, but Alex still enjoys the process of art time. Last year, we got them a Melissa and Doug easel for Christmas. While it does take up a lot of space on our main living level, they do like to stop and draw on the paper/chalkboard. You can never go wrong with a MagnaDoodle. They are inexpensive and grow with your child. I still love to draw on ours.

Alex is a puzzle pro. Before he was even two years old he was into 24 to 48 piece puzzles. The ones from Melissa and Doug are really our favorites. We have so many of these, and he still enjoys putting them together. Since they're designed for the floor, you need a bit more space, but the cardboard is almost indestructible.

One toy that we're still growing into is the marble run. It's a toy that requires some adult supervision in order to get the marbles to run properly, but both love to watch the marbles and Alex is starting to try to build some of the runs.

Here are a few other suggestions for preschool gift ideas:

Woodkins--I saw these at the toy store and they looked a lot of fun for 3 to 4-year old girls.

Wedgits--I have not seen these, but they look fun as well.

Play kitchen, Play tool bench--We have the tool bench and it's used quite a lot. Not a real favorite, but still fun.

Mr. Potato Head--My daughter really loves this toy.

Stay tuned for more favorites: books, CDs and more.

Sibling love . . . today

After dinner this evening, my kids disappeared to the basement while I cleaned up the dishes. (Yes, husband works late again.) I come down to find them playing dress up--he's Buzz Lightyear and she's a fairy complete with wings. They are taking flying leaps off the steps (an approved activity if it's from the third step).

The playing continues rather nicely until I finish cleaning up. I slip into the next room to check some email and all is quiet. I hear these words:

I'm not going to ask you again.
I will help you.
Good job, Anna.
No, you should turn it around this way.

I walk into the room and see them both sitting on the floor in their underwear/diaper working on a puzzle. Alex is master of puzzles, and Anna has quite the time trying to get just two pieces together. But seeing them working together on anything was a nice change. Who are these kids?

Every once in a while I am relieved that my kids are spaced so closely. How nice for me that I have some time to do a few things and they can play together.

That's not to say everyday is like that. Yesterday I found Alex pushing Anna against a wall and trying to gouge out her eyes with his fingers. Ah, yes.....memories are always being made in this house. There's nothing like sibling love. Or is that rivalry.

The holidays crept up on me

I fear the shopping season may be upon us quicker than I expected. I didn’t realize that Thanksgiving was next week. Normally, I wouldn’t flip out but since Thanksgiving dinner is at my house this year, I figured I should get it together a little sooner than I usually do. (Thanks to the Washington Post Food section for the friendly reminder with lots of yummy recipes.)

Plus, this weekend starts my husband’s extensive travel schedule taking us well into the full-blown holiday shopping season. Yay for me! There’s nothing like getting ready for Christmas with a three-and-a-half year old and a two-year old.

Luckily I can check one thing off my list which is getting the Christmas card pictures taken. Thanks to Portrait Innovations those were done two weeks ago. I apparently beat the holiday rush on a Friday afternoon and knocked that item off my list. It was much less painful than doing it myself.

But I looked at the calendar and realized I needed to actually get those into cards at some point. Some sooner than others since I send to many friends overseas where mail takes two, sometimes three weeks to get there.

I haven’t even gotten to the present list this year. Not even a thought on anyone, except my kids. Plus, we have a trip to Texas to make during December which always adds an adventure aspect to the craziness since it means presents have to go in the suitcases.

Perhaps the retailers have the 'holiday bunching' thing right. Maybe I should have considered Christmas back in October.

Am I ready for the Big Girl Bed?

When my son was ready for the crib-to-big-boy-bed transition, it was an easy one to make. He asked one day, we bought the bed the next weekend and within a week the transition was done. Our only problem became early wake up time meant he was get out of bed instead of hanging in the crib because he had to.

Now we’re about ready for this same transition with my daughter; however, this time around I have very different feelings about getting rid of her crib. Part of it is nostalgia since this crib has been part of our décor for almost four years now, but part of it is fear. Fear of her never wanting to sleep once she upgrades to a big girl bed.

My son is very independent and very well-behaved when it comes to bedtime. We tell him it’s time for bed and 99 percent of the time, he stays in his bed with no question. My daughter is a very different breed. I anticipate the movement from crib to big girl bed will be a whole new opportunity for disobedience. Is that horrible to say about your child? Right now, we put her to bed and she sings herself to sleep. I hear her in the early mornings talking, but she tends to fall back asleep until a more reasonable hour.

Many friends who had to give up a crib for a new baby, lost the toddler nap when the crib left the room. My daughter, who never seems to need near as much sleep as her brother, I feel may go this route if the crib makes a grand exit. But on the other hand, I worry about her curiosity and her strength in scaling the sides of the crib. She hasn’t done it yet, but Alex has shown her how to do it.

I know we can always put up a gate at her door or even a door-knob cover to keep her in her room. But she has some pretty strong lungs, and I don't think a gate will stop her from screaming her way out of the room.

Is it safe to leave a two-year old in her crib? Should I take the leap and give her the freedom that I fear might temporarily throw off everyone’s sleep? Should I trust that since we had an easy go with my son, this one might go well, too? Is it really the parents that have the harder time with this than the kids?

Do I really look under 21?

I love Trader Joe's. I love that it's super kid friendly. I love that they provide snacks at the store. I love that most of the workers there know me. I love that I can get wine for $3.49 and Ritter Sport for $1.99. And yet, I do NOT love being carded for my 'Two Buck Chuck.' (aka Charles Shaw Chardonnay)

Today at peak rush hour--4:30 p.m. on a Saturday--when the lines were snaking back through the food aisles, and they were calling out "man overboard" every few minutes, I was asked for ID. Standing there with my two kids--one who was climbing out of the cart--the checker actually had the nerve to ask for my ID. OK, I may look younger than my age, but seriously, do I look under 21? I'm 32! Thirty two with two kids. Surely the two kids factor is some kind of rite of passage.

If you saw a woman struggling with her kids, trying to keep them all together in the middle of grocery-store madness on a Saturday afternoon, wouldn't you just open the bottle of wine and offer her a glass instead of asking for her ID? I think so! Stupid check out lady.