1-2-3: It really is Magic!

My kids are wild! I feel like I have seen it all from them, and my oldest is not even four. We’ve dealt with the hitting, pushing, biting, screaming like every other toddler/preschool mom. My kids aren’t any worse than other kids, but they are intense sometimes, even relentless.

When my son was two and a half, I was about to lose my mind. We had just moved back to the States, he wasn’t in preschool yet and the pushing and hitting was completely out of control. I would get so worked up I could hear the blood pulsing in my ears. Sometimes I was sure my head would explode! A neighbor recommended the book 1-2-3 Magic by Dr. Thomas Phelan. I bought it and read it within an evening since I was desperate for some change and peace in our house. Within two days, it had worked it’s magic! Not just on him but on me.

I will recommend if you want to do this, you really should get your hands on the actual book. He has some very sound advice and recommendations for following through. He even gives you various scenarios to use it, including just plain whining from a child. But here is the gist of it. You explain to your child first that he will have, basically, two chances to stop doing what he’s doing. By the time you get to number 3, there will be a consequence. You have to be pretty ready to follow through on your threat immediately. I used to give Alex ample room in the beginning like:

Mom: Leave that toy in the car.
Alex: No
Mom: Leave that toy in the car or we’re not going to [fill in blank].
Alex: No
Mom: That’s 1
Alex: No
Mom: That’s 2
Alex: Ok, fine.

So really, he’s had more than two chances once I explained it to him what was going to happen. But as we progressed with this method, I would barely get to 1 before he would figure out it was just not worth fighting it. Sometimes, getting to ‘3’ meant a time out. Sometimes it meant the toy disappeared. Sometimes it meant no TV, music or something related. Sometimes it meant we had to go home or do something else.

Beyond the counting method, is Dr. Phelan’s discussion of lecturing to children as part of the discipline process. I used to go on and on with my son telling him why he shouldn’t do this and that. The author’s point is for a two-year old, beyond the first few words is completely lost. They are kids! And to them hear “don’t do this . . . blah, blah, blah, blah.” So why waste our energy and breath on a lecturing a two or three-year old.

Using this method was never perfect. But 99 percent of the time it worked. One of the fundamental things to doing this is mom has to keep her cool. This is extremely hard for me because I am a very impatient person. But it actually helps me separate myself from the situation. If I’m calm, they are calm. And if in the end he throws a fit anyway, I don’t care as much since I didn’t invest the energy in getting worked up.

Ss a side note, this does not work its magic quite as well with my daughter. I have no idea why. But it just doesn’t. My ROI with her is about 80 percent. Still pretty good odds, just not as effective. Perhaps I need to go back and reread the book with her in mind.

But if you’re looking for a new discipline routine—besides timeouts, screaming, or lecturing—this will leave you less stressed at the end, you might give this book a read (or even a scan). You can get the bulk of it from a quick read.

Sometimes I just need a little Christmas

I looked around the room at my daughter’s preschool last week and savored all the simply-made Christmas decorations by two-year olds. The room was fully donned in green and red. As we were preparing for her Christmas party, we danced to the tunes playing on the CD player. Thanks to one mom, we planned a great party around the kids complete with cookie decorating, card and ornament making, gift bow halos and shaving cream finger painting. One mom even tried her cake decorating skill with a very lavish cake looking like a present. It was one of the best school Christmas parties I’ve been too. Maybe it was because Anna doesn’t eat the cookies with such greed as Alex does. Maybe it was because I only had one child to look after. Or maybe it was because it was 100% Christmas.

We commented on how nice it was to have a Christmas party for a change. Granted, she does go to a Christian preschool so that lends itself to embracing the reason for the season.

With all the Happy Holidays these days, sometimes I just need a little Merry Christmas.

Think you can't find Christmas trees in the Middle East? Think again

I had a debate with a friend yesterday on the merits of buying a real tree over an artificial one. We laughed and said it's the eternal debate right up there with breastfeeding vs. bottle; going to work vs. staying home; stuffing the turkey or not.

She explained her trip to Home Depot for a real tree was a disappointing one so they went to Target and bought a fake tree instead. She asked if I had the choice between a crappy Home Depot tree and a beautiful fake one, what would I pick? First of all, I wouldn't go to Home Depot for a tree. There are so many wonderful places to get a tree. But if I did have to pick, I would have gotten the real one.

Our family is dedicated to the live Christmas tree. So dedicated we went out of our way even in the desert to get a real tree. No, they don't grow them there in Qatar. But they do ship them in. Several years ago, my husband wrote up our adventure of getting the tree. I wanted to include it because every Christmas this becomes part of "remember that year when" stories.

To keep from becoming complacent, I remembered the adventure of buying a Christmas tree in Doha, Qatar in 2003:

[Megamart=one of three local grocery stores in Landmark Mall; it’s ~3.6 riyals to the dollar]

Tuesday. I go to MegaMart, where I’ve heard one can buy a tree. I locate the Indian florist.
Andrew: Do you sell Christmas trees?
Florist: Oh, yes sir.
Andrew: How much are they?
Florist: Sir, we have . . . hold on, I must check . . . (he looks through a notebook) Sir, we have 2.5 meters tree. (sic)
Andrew: And how much does it cost?
Florist: 450 riyals. [this is about $135—ouch!]
Andrew: Do you have any other sizes of trees?
Florist: Oh yes sir, we have 1.5 meters tree (sic)
Andrew: And how much does it cost?
Florist: Hold on, let me call (florist calls Megamart’s nursery). Sir, the 1.5 meters tree is 460 riyal.
Andrew (smiling): Hold on, you have to be kidding. The 1.5 meter tree is 460 riyal, and the 2.5 meter tree is 450 riyal?
Florist: Oh yes sir
Andrew: Ah. . .
Florist: (starting to notice this is highly unusual) One minute sir
Andrew: Sure
Florist: (Florist now calls nursery and has an agitated conversation) Oh sir, the prices have changed!
Andrew: ok
Florist: Our 1.5 meters tree is 400, our 2.5 meters tree is 450.
Andrew: Okay, I’m going to think about it and get back to you.

Friday
I return to Megamart to see what the price is, and possibly order a tree. The issue is whether or not we can obtain a Christmas tree stand in which to put the tree.

Andrew: How much is the Christmas tree?
Florist: Sir, the Christmas tree is 450 riyals for a 2.5 meters tree
Andrew: (thinks to self—amazing—the price has remained the same!) OK, do you sell Christmas tree stands?
Florist obviously has no idea what I’m talking about
Andrew: Do you sell Christmas tree pots?
Florist: The Christmas tree is coming!
Andrew: Yes, I know the tree is coming, but what about a pot?
Florist: Only the tree is coming sir (begins to look at me with a slightly sad look—he’s beginning to feel sorry for such an obviously unintelligent person)
Andrew: Right, I understand the tree is coming, but can I get a pot with it, or do you sell pots?
Florist: (Motions to a wide range of pots which would be utterly useless as Christmas tree stands) Yes, yes, we have pots
Andrew: Right, but how will I hold the Christmas tree upright?
Florist: The Christmas tree is coming!
Andrew: OK, I understand, I will get back to you later

I join Linda in the frozen food section and attempt some normal shopping.

Before returning to Megamart, I talk with an Australian lady who bought a large tree from Megamart for QR 450, plus QR 20 for a pot with some bricks in it to hold the tree upright. Thus fortified, I bravely rejoin the battle.

Saturday
Yet again, I’m at Megamart.

Andrew: Hello my friend, I would like to buy a tree.
Florist: The Christmas tree is coming?
Andrew: Yes, please. I’d like to order a tree.
Florist: I think we are all sold out of the big ones.
Andrew: OK, how much does a little one cost?
Florist: We have only 2 meters tree—350 riyals sir!
Andrew: (gives Linda a very serious look to preclude her from loudly observing that his is, in fact, cheaper than a 1.5 meters tree—which, itself, springs from a long story involving the purchase of a bottle of Tanqueray 10 gin) Excellent, we’ll take one!
Florist: yes sir, let me have your name and address
Andrew: (fills out name and address) And can you include a pot?
(A European store employee whom I have never seen before appears—we’ll call him the Dane)
Dane: I think we’re all sold out of the big trees
Andrew: That’s too bad, but I think I can get a 2 meter tree
Dane: Oh yes, we have some of those
Andrew: And I’d like a pot, with some bricks to hold the tree up
Dane: Oh yes
Florist: The pot is coming!
Andrew: How much is the pot?
Florist: 30 riyals, sir
Andrew: No, I just talked to a lady who bought the pot for 20 riyals
Florist: (looks around for a minute) ok, the pot is 20 riyals.
Andrew: Great
Florist: The pot is coming with the tree sir.
Andrew: Wonderful.
Florist: Shall the tree come at 8:30 or 9:00 tonight sir?
Andrew: 8:30 will be lovely.

There was some more conversation about this and that, but basically the tree, pot, and bricks were to arrive at 8:30 and I was to pay the driver. Linda and I, typically, had no idea what, and at what price, or at what time, if at all, would arrive.

At 7:00, the driver from the nursery shows up.

Driver: I have the tree sir
Andrew: Great, how much is it?
Driver: 375 riyal.
Andrew: And is there a pot?
Driver: The pot is not coming
Andrew: No. This is wrong. The tree should be 350, and there should be a 20 riyal pot with it.
Driver: (looking panicked, calls HQS) laksjflksjdflkasjfl;ksajf;lksadjfk—(then hands phone to Andrew)
Andrew: Hello.
HQS: Sir, the tree is 375 riyals.
Andrew: No, the tree should be 350, and it should have come with a pot for 20 riyals. I was just at Megamart, and that was the price they told me.
HQS: Sir. Hold on, I must call Megamart.
(A few minutes of Andrew and the driver making awkward, limited conversation about the virtues of trees shipped from Europe ensue). . .HQS calls back, the driver hands the phone to Andrew.
Andrew: Hello?
HQS: lkjslkfjsdlkfjal;sfjlaskdjf
Andrew: Hello?
HQS: Hello sir (explaining in a very condescending way) Sir, the tree is 350 riyals, and the pot is 20.
Andrew: (keeping immaculately cool) yes, yes, I know.
HQS: Sir, the pot will come in one hour
Andrew: great.

And so our tree sits downstairs in our mop bucket, as the poor delivery boy has returned to the nursery for the 20 riyal pot. The big mystery is: will the pot be big enough? And will he bring bricks which can stabilize the tree? Only time will tell. . .

Eight o’clock comes. . .and goes
Nine o’clock.
10 o’clock

We head for bead, when all of a sudden, the cell phone rings.

Driver: I am coming sir. I will be there in 15 minutes
Andrew: Great, I’ll be here

10:15 comes and goes. At 10:40, security calls—they’re here. It’s Driver, Mr. X, and. . .The Florist!

Driver: Sir, we have only this pot for you (he motions to a big orange pot filled with bricks.
Andrew: (Seeing a more aesthetically pleasing green pot with gravel, but resignedly) ok, I’ll take it.

I take the huge orange pot with bricks into the house and look more closely at it under the lights. I notice the bottom is filled with holes, thoughtfully drilled to prevent root rot in houseplants.

Andrew: Hey, I’m afraid this pot won’t quite do.
Driver: (now in the house with me): Why not?
Andrew: (I stick my fingers in the holes in the bottom the pot) The tree must be kept in water, and the water will run out of the bottom.

Driver: oh. . . (driver runs outside and swaps out the orange pot for the green pot—the poor sap who was to get the green pot has now been screwed) here, sir, you may have this pot!
Andrew: (now suspicious, I check the bottom of the green pot—it too is lousy with holes) Oh dear, this pot won’t do either—it is filled with holes

Driver heads outside for a conference with his colleagues.

Florist: Sir—you must keep the tree in water. Tree is drinking!
Andrew: Yes, indeed. That’s why the pots won’t work.

Florist to Driver: asdlkfjas;lkjflaksdjflkashfklajsjflaskjdfklja

Florist: Sorry sir. We will come back tomorrow with a different pot sir.
Andrew: Great.

And. . .the story has a happy ending. Driver, Mr. X and Mr. Y returned with a pot which worked. Our Christmas tree had been flown in from the Netherlands and didn’t last more than two weeks, but we still managed to have a Christmas tree in the heart of the Persian Gulf!

The following year we had figured out the system and it was so much easier this time. Plus we had the pot.

The worst mom in the world

When I picked up my son today at school, the teacher is standing holding a foiled-covered item. I ask, "What is that?" She answers, "His gingerbread house." As we walk to the car, Alex looks up at me and says, "Mommy, why weren't you here with all the other mommies to help me make my gingerbread man house?" Were we supposed to be here? My mind immediately starts racing. How could I not know about this? Did I forget it? Was he wrong? I started asking questions like whose mommy was there? Was Sierra's mommy there? Was this a party I missed? Who helped you with the gingerbread house?

Feeling terrible, I realized I should not assume anything until I get home and reread the message from the teacher. Sure enough, right there in front of me was a message yesterday inviting parents to come make gingerbread houses with the kids. Don't ask me how I missed it with all the emailing and computering I do. But I did. So I think back to the party at Thanksgiving when one child was left alone and how sad she was. Immediately feel like the worst parent ever. This wasn't the Christmas party (that's next week) just an added extra event where all the moms showed up, except for me. And where was I? Christmas shopping with my daughter. We had actually arrived at school 45 minutes early and just hung outside on the playground. So I could have come in and decorated with him.

When I asked Alex if he was sad about it, he said, "Not really, I just wanted to know where you were and why you weren't there with the other moms."

Still, I have some serious mommy guilt.

Our little gingerbread house

Alex announced he wanted to make a “gingerbread man house." I remembered last year’s attempt at this and breathed a heavy sigh. Do we really have to go that route again?

I can hear the lyrics to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” in my head and remember the second line: “Let your heart be light.” I’m not sure what 'light' that means. But either way, I knew it meant, give it up and let the kid make the gingerbread man house.

So we walk into Michaels and Alex sprints right to the giant stack of gingerbread house kits, takes it and skips to the register. I guess he was done. On the way home, I decided to try to streamline this process a bit after last year's gingerbread house fiasco.

Here was how it went last year: We’re going to make a gingerbread house, I say to the kid. They are ecstatic and can hardly sit still. I open the box. Crap! It’s in pieces, I need to mix the icing, the candy is in individual bags and everyone is going crazy. Why didn’t I open this ahead of time and plan. I start mixing the icing and before I know it the kids have pried open all the bags of candy—one bag which had teeny tiny pieces too small for my then 16-month old. Yikes. The icing starts to harden immediately and I’m trying to get the house together quick enough before the kids lose interest. Pretty quickly, I realize it's just not going to work out. We finish it, the kids are over the gingerbread house and I'm just frustrated by the whole thing.

This year, I was prepared. I told them it would be a 2-phase process. We would build one day and decorate the next. So, I skipped the icing on Part 1 and went straight to the glue gun. I don't know why I hadn't thought of this before. We glued it and it dried within 10 minutes. I could have gone on, but I decided the anticipation for decorating tomorrow would lend itself to another activity. While the house "dried" we decided to sketch out what our house would look like. No, my kids didn't really, but they did draw some houses with their version of gingerbread men.

Phase 2 of project gingerbread house went as expected. They ate more candy than they put on the house. I did, however, manage to get the icing done before they lost interest and cover all the glue. Overall, a much more positive experience for all this year. The house still looks pretty sad, but the memory will be a happier one.

Buying books online just got better with Lookybook

This weekend I took my kids to the bookstore for lack of something more creative to do. I love books, and we buy a lot of books. I love bookstores, but I love Amazon more. I love getting books at a significantly lower cost. What can I say, I'm a bargain hunter. So, I admit it, we go, browse at the bookstore, take notes and then go home and order online.

It was an unusually dreary day and my kids were being unusually well behaved at the bookstore. They sat down in the aisle and just read for close to 30 minutes. Why they can’t do this at the library, I will never know. So I sat on the floor next to them and read children’s book. I make it a general rule to not buy books for myself or as a gift unless I’ve read it myself. This makes buying online difficult. Have you seen the crap out there these days that kids are reading?

As I was sitting there, I watched the kids come down the aisle and the moms, grandma and aunts looking for books for children. Here I was sitting in front of great children literature such as Curious George, Olivia, Where the Wild Things Are, Little Red Riding Hood, Goodnight Moon, Eloise, Caps for Sale, but not one, not two, but every person who came down that aisle was looking for something like Shrek, My Little Pony, Dora, Buzz Lightyear, Disney Princesses, etc. Why on Earth when there are so many fabulous books out there are our children reading books about movies or characters?

Which brings me to my point, a fellow blogger from BabyCenter pointed me to a site where you can actually read the books before you buy. It’s called Lookybook. It’s still in beta so I’m sure there are some kinks to work out, but in general you can look at the entire book and read it before you decide to buy. What a fabulous idea for those of us who want to make sure our money is going for good books. Looks like I may be able to save myself a trip to the bookstore and just go from Lookybook directly to Amazon.

The greatest thrill for a blogger

For a blogger the great thrill is to have someone link their post to yours. (Thrill, as in, the call from the boy you met last weekend or in my case, that my kids were nice to me all day since my husband is out of town again.) This week I had two links! One from Parenting magazine and one from Dr. Sears (aka guru of-all-things-parenting). They are from posts on DC Metro Moms, but nevertheless, I feel some kind of pride from this. Maybe this will help me get this book published.