Baby Friends are Forever

I believe that the friends you make when you're pregnant with your first child, are often friends for life, especially when everyone is having their first babies.

When I was pregnant with Alex, I met a group of wonderful women about three months into my new life in Doha. None of them, of course, were locals since many of Qataris kept to themselves. These ladies were from Canada, Australia, England, Scotland and the USA. We met every week at different people's houses for coffee and company for what we called the 'Itsy Bitsy Baby group'.

My two years in Qatar were hard. I was pregnant for 18 of those months in heat that you cannot even believe. I would walk out my front door and be either be suffocated by humidity + 120 degree heat, sand or the scent of oil coming off the sea. The city reeked of exhaust every day and without many places to walk safely (due to lack of sidewalk and reckless driving) we were often confined to one stretch along the water (which mind you, reeked of oil) or each other's compounds. Now it is possible the city didn't smell as much as I seem to remember, but I was pregnant for 18 months of it so my sense of smell might have been a bit more sensitive. I digress.

My point in this is that even in this wasteland of a city (the only real city in the country) I managed to find an amazing group of women.

These new moms taught me valuable lessons like:
--How to breastfeed at the local Starbucks, even with men in thobes (aka dishdashes) right next to us.
--How not to stress about what solid food your child eats as a baby. In place where limited jarred baby food is available, you make most of it and move on from there.
--A little sand in your food never hurt anyone.
--Trial and error is really the key to raising kids. No child is the same.
--You need to understand and research vaccines, medications and what diagnosis your doctors give you.
--Taking your four-month old swimming may be the only way for everyone to stay sane.
--Babies can stand the heat, even over 100 degrees.
--The American way is most certainly not the only way and sometimes may not be the best way.

In a phone conversation with my friend Nicole a few weeks back, we threw around the idea of a reunion in London, where she is currently living with her three boys. The other people are scattered now in Malaysia, Vietnam, Canada, Australia, Qatar and the US. We figured London was the most central location. So talk has begun of a reunion of our Itsy Bitsy Baby Group. Since I last saw them all, each one has had either one or even two more babies. (Life overseas can be great for having babies.)

I can't wait to see them all again. The question is: should I drag my kids along with me?

A Most Memorable Day

Happy Birthday to my boy! I can't even believe he is four. Last night after we said goodnight to the three-year old, Andrew and I sat down to look at the scrapbooks (can you believe there is more than one!) of his first year. We can't believe how grown up he is. Now he is four!

When he started to fuss about something today, he stopped himself and said, "No I'm not going to get upset about silly things anymore because I'm four." And what self knowledge and awareness....the day of his birthday he was so tired after a long trip to the doctor, he decided he was tired and took a nap. Then later that evening when he still had more presents to open, he decided he would open one more and then open the rest in the morning because he was tired. Man, he's better than I would be.

After a most awesome birthday party (the weather did hold out for us), we chanced a trip to our favorite restaurant Euro Bistro with my parents and brother/sister in law. The kids were angels through the late dinner and even slept in for us this morning.

Thursday's Dish: Safe Cupcakes

It's been a long time since I've done a recipe post. Today was the day to bring in cupcakes for Alex's birthday celebration at school. We were instructed at the beginning of the year to keep in mind of the peanut/milk allergies in the class. I have learned a lot about food allergies, as well as what it can do emotionally to the kids, from my friend Kari over at Everyday with Food Allergies. So I wanted to do my best to meet everyone's needs as best as possible.

I was all set to make my cupcakes and ran to Safeway to get the Duncan Hines yellow cake mix that is apparently free of milk and peanuts. I stood there looking at all the cake mixes. They were cheap at $1 a box. So what was the hestitation. I have my own food issues. My husband has conditioned me after 12 years to not buy things with partially hydrogenated oils. These are all around bad for you in every possible way. You can read more here if you like. Every cake mixed had it listed as one of the top ingredients and Duncan Hines had it listed twice!

I could not bring myself to buy the mix. So I left. I was sure that I could find a recipe online that would be safe and easy to make. I mean cake has been around a long time before the days of milk and butter. Surely, I could find something suitable.

Here is the recipe I found--amazed at how utterly simple it was to make.

For Cupcakes:
3 cups all purpose flour
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups cold water
1 cup corn oil
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups semisweet chocolate chips (check for ingredients)

On top:
I just sprinkled powdered sugar on top.

Make cake:
Preheat oven to 350°F. Lined muffin tins with paper muffin thingys. Mixed first 5 ingredients into medium bowl. Mix water, oil and vanilla in large bowl. Whisk in dry ingredients. Divide batter among tins. Sprinkle cup chocolate chips over batter in each pan.
Bake cakes until tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 20-25 minutes. Made about 20.

So proud to have made safe cupcakes for everyone today!

The Mommy Docs Are In

In times of uncertainty regarding children's medical issues such as vaccines, differing opinions on antibiotics for sinus or ear infections, cold medicine recalls and even affordable healthcare for some, we can often be confused about the right thing to do for our children. While most of us probably trust our doctors, many times we hear that mommy intuition call out to us, "Who knows my kids more--the doctor or me?" Sometimes we need a second opinion, sometimes it's as simple as doing a bit of research so we can fully understand the problem and possible solutions.

Differing doctors may have differing opinions. Two different moms may have different experiences with a similar medical conditions. Every year we hear new things about vaccinations, food, allergies, breastfeeding, sleep that may make a mom's head just overflow with information.

I always thought it would be so awesome to have a mommy friend who was a pediatrician. I know my kids' pediatrician--who is often in my kickboxing class--it probably tired of me asking her questions about random things. But in these busy times, it's hard to know when to take your child to the doctor, let alone drag two kids, if they're just going to send you home with a viral infection diagnosis and tell you to give him Motrin.

Today I was informed about a new site called MommyDocs, the first pediatric informational site by moms, for moms. The site was launched by Dr. Jamie A. Freishtat, a board certified pediatrician and pediatric associate physician at Children's National Medical Center in Washington, DC, and Dr. Rachel L. Schreiber, a board certified allergist/immunologist, internist and Medical Director of Family HealthCare Allergy & Asthma Specialists in Germantown, Maryland. I love that these ladies are local!

What a great idea. Jamie and Rachel conceived MommyDocs in the preschool carpool line, where they faced a daily barrage of parents' questions about everything from eczema to ear infections. This makes me laugh because that would be me--totally jumping out of the car to quickly ask about the rash on my kid's tummy. This could be a useful tool to do your research before you call the doctor or make that visit.

The site provides a regular Q&A on various topics, podcasts and a blog about their own family issues. I'm glad to have another resource for information on general pediatric topics or one to be able to reference during off hours. My immediate needs for info on fevers, rashes, eye goop, croup, etc. is waning, but I imagine I will have a whole new crop of issues to research now with preschoolers. Check out the site. I'm looking forward to seeing more from the doctors.

I Can't Get Rid of the Guns

As I stood on the playground today watching my almost-four-year old run around with a stick pretending to shoot trees and air (as I have asked him please not to shoot his friends), I had two parents come up to ask when the gun nonsense started. With a quick eye roll, my answer is, as always....who the hell knows?

I'm convinced this is some inherent trait of the Y chromosome. I mean look at the letter--a Y is shaped like a sling shot! My son doesn't have toy guns. Nor do we let him watch violent TV; in fact, we don't even have TV. But from the first time my son chewed his PB and J into an 'L' shape and then looked at me and said, 'hey mom, it looks like a gun!' I knew I was doomed.

I'm not unfamiliar with this scene. From a very early age my brother played army men, cops and robbers, Star Wars, GI Joe, all with 'pchew pchew' in the background. This was, of course, before the days of school shootings. Now every mother cowers when her son starts pretending to shoot birds and squirrels in the trees.

Based on what I saw today at the playground, I would say the gun infatuation does not actually indicate any violent tendencies. All the boys were doing it. Moms of girls are often horrified by this asking, 'where did he learn that?' or 'what are you going to do about it?' Obviously they didn't have brothers who did this either.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter that we don't have toy guns in the house because the sticks outside, markers, pens, chopsticks, bread, toy shovels/rakes, crackers, lollipops, etc. all have become some kind of "weapon." So I've given up trying to deprogram him and instead am just trying to get him to tone it down. It makes many people uncomfortable--mostly those with girls--and quite frankly it just gets to be annoying after a while. It's the flip side to my Disney-Princess-wearing daughter.

Soon to be cross posted on DC Metro Moms.

Potty Training: I Think We Often Forget the Training Part

Recently the topic of potty training resurfaced amongst my mommy friends because nary a month goes by where someone isn't struggling with this issue. With both my kids now fully potty-trained both day and night, I thought I'd offer up some tips. Here are a few of the questions I get pretty regularly from friends and my usual responses. (Note: These are not meant to be anything more than tips. I don't boast to be an expert in this area because if you've been reading this blog, you know I HATE to potty train.)

At what age did you potty train your two children?

Both my kids (boy and girl) were fully potty trained around two and a half. I don't believe all the stuff you read about kids showing readiness when they are interested in the potty or stay dry during the night. My kids were interested in the potty at a year. By 16 months I probably could have started the process. By two they were experts in defiance so I passed on it all. Never were they dry overnight! With both, they were "ready" when I found them changing their own diapers.

How long did it take you to potty train?

My son reacts to bribes so I had him fully trained (for daytime) in seven days. But after about the third day, we were more than halfway there. My daughter was a bit more difficult. Turns out my son really helped the process by teacher her to potty. She was fully trained (for daytime) in less than a week.

How did you do it so quickly?

This is where the training comes in. Potty training is no part-time gig. I'm sure it's different for different kids and different households, but when a family makes a decision to potty train, for several days it needs to be a full-time gig for child and trainer (mom, dad, nanny, daycare, etc.) Training is the key word. It's a lot of work. Think about training for a marathon or the Olympics. These are full body, mind and soul experiences for an athlete. Potty training should be the same.

When I potty trained both my kids, I did it over a weekend when I had extra hands around to help. We lived in the bathroom and life was, well, miserable for two to three full days. But then the bulk of the work was over.

Do you use pullups?

No! Once you start potty training. Pullups send a mixed signal to kids. If you don't want them to have an accident while you're out and you need the Pullups, consider underwear THEN put the Pullups over the underwear. This lets them know when they have wet (since they'll feel it) but it will keep your car seat, friend's furniture, etc. protected.

When did you nighttime potty train?

With my first, I waited a few months before we tackled nighttime. I was scared and not wanting to get up in the middle of the night. If you have a newborn baby or if you're pregnant or if you're just not mentally ready to tackle this (since it means loss of sleep) then don't. But I wouldn't recommend you go too long on this road. Again, the Pullups/diapers at night send a mixed signal. With my second child, once we told her the diapers were for big girls, she didn't want the diapers even at night or naps, so we just pitched them and went for the full on potty training.

How did you night time potty train?

Night time potty training, like daytime, is full on training--for both parent and child. I think this one may be more for us though. It's hard to get up at night once, twice or four times and change sheets. To make it easier, layer the sheets and a waterproof sheet so you just have to strip it off and not actually change it. Because as any mom knows, you can't turn on the light so you have to be able to do it in the dark. Have new PJs and undies ready to go each night so you don't have to hunt for them. Walk child to the toilet even though they have already gone. And for goodness sakes, don't give them drinks before bed!!!

Get rid of the Pullups when you do this. It's a crutch for you and even if it takes some time, you'll be diaper free sooner than you think. Pullups are expensive and the longer your kids go in them, the harder I would assume it is to break the habit.

Don't some kids have trouble with this? Aren't there kids peeing in beds until age 5?

Yes. There was an article about this a friend sent me. I'm sure there are kids with physiological issues with wetting the bed. I can't speak to this issue.

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On the whole, I have to say that potty training is not for the weak of heart--though at some point, we all must be part of it. It takes some sweat and maybe even some tears (often from mom). Sure, if you want to go the route where child does it when he/she is ready and that works for you, then go for it. I'm speaking only about those wanting to get it done and over with. I know it can be done. Kids around the world learn to do this at a young age because in most countries diapers are expensive so they pitch the diapers long before we do.

Good luck and remember it's called 'training' for a reason.

Easter Wants Its Own Traditions

Easter is a difficult one for me. Back in my more Catholic days--can you believe I taught CCD classes once upon a time--Easter trumped Christmas, by far. But since it falls during different months and doesn't have the whole commercial build up, it often gets left behind in the dust as a real holiday. But I love Easter. Easter means daffodils and the reemergence of pastels for spring couture (as if anyone in this house uses the word couture). Easter means an excuse to eat lots of ham and eggs. Oh, so many eggs!

But it's been hard to establish some family traditions with Easter. My husband and I have been married for almost eight years, this May. I have celebrated Easter in three different countries, one of them that didn't celebrate Easter and one which celebrated it with witches. The second year we were married, Easter was part of my own mourning of a lost pregnancy and the fourth year we were married with was a week after the birth of our first child. Some years we have been with family and others all alone. We have hunted real eggs and fake eggs. Bunnies have been part of the gig some years and not others. Some years I make the traditional Easter bread and some years, like this one, I just don't have it in me. Some times I crave Swedish Easter treats and others I want ham--but when you're in a Muslim country....there is no ham. Oh, except for the ham we smuggled in. We had 12 people over for that Easter all begging for more more more ham!

Sometimes the Easter bunny brings chocolate, sometimes he brings toys, sometimes he brings things my kids need.

Sometimes we dye eggs, except the year Alex was born and even one year I used onion skins and natural ingredients--like red cabbage to dye the eggs. On Easter anything seems to go.

But I really think Easter, in our house, needs its own traditions. I just haven't gotten there yet.

Happy Easter! Cross posted on DC Metro Moms.