Car Seats and Preschoolers

I was never quite as anal as my friend about car seat installation. With babies born overseas, we didn't have the opportunity to stop at 'car seat check locations,' especially since in Qatar babies weren't even in car seats most of the time. They used to ride up front with the goats (no, I'm not kidding) or dad would hold the baby up against the steering while while he plowed through a deadly roundabout. Seriously.

But both my kids had their appropriate car seats, and they were installed to the best of my ability. As they got older and were able to climb in and even fasten it on their own, I admit to being a bit lackadaisical about checking the fit--too loose, too high, too low, twisted strap, etc. This is certainly a failure on my part, and I should be better about it.

This past weekend we had a car seat scare. This is the third time it has happened, but never has it made me sick to my stomach. On our way to Richmond, we pulled up to the toll booth and the arm didn't go up. My husband slammed on the brake and my daughter--strapped into her car seat--flew forward, seat and all, hitting her head on the back of the driver seat. Actually, she hit the DVD player screen. Turns out while she was fastened in, but the car seat was not. My kids had played in the car earlier that day and someone must have unhooked the car seat (our Britax Roundabout no longer has the LATCH on it so we have to buckle it in 'old school'). This is the third time her car seat has been undone, but the previous two times I found it before we left the house.

Needless to say, I was grateful for the guardian angel who gave us the head's up on Anna's seat. Braking at five miles an hour is a lot less painful than braking or being hit at highway speed.

Lesson learned: Be more judicious with the car seat inspection before driving. Life is precious.

Terrible Tuesdays

We are a routine family. I like structure, routine and predictability and so do our kids. They wake up at the same time, take a nap everyday around the same time and definitely go to bed at the same time. Part of it is for them, but most of it is for me.

When my both my kids started preschool in September three mornings a week, I thought we had a the perfect balance--three days of school and structure, two days of freedom to do whatever we want. However, since the school year started we have struggled every single Tuesday. My kids get up and ask "What are we doing today? What's the plan?" Have I gotten them so acclimated to routine that they can't handle one day off?

It seems only to be on the Tuesday after we've had the crazy not structure of the weekend and then a full Monday of routine. "What about Friday?" people ask. Well, Friday has a whole different feel to it because it's Friday and I'm joyously celebrating the impending weekend.

So to solve my Terrible Tuesday troubles, I signed my oldest up for a soccer class at 9 a.m. (How suburban mom am I?) I was sure this would solve our Tuesday issue. Now, six weeks into our soccer class, ever Tuesday still proves to be a giant cluster for our family.

Today we attempted soccer, a hair cut for my daughter and a VERY brief trip to Target--with bribes, mind you, and by the time we were home, I needed children in rooms so I could take a deep breath. Perhaps it's that we're doing too much on Tuesday to make up for the lack of structure. Perhaps it's that I expect a Terrible Tuesday every Tuesday so expectations are preset. Perhaps it's that Tuesday is just silly day. Thank goodness next year someone will be in school on Tuesday.

More on Vaccines

My mom's group has been buzzing again lately about vaccines. A friend of mine mentioned that her doctor gave her a hard time about delaying vaccines to space them out a bit. The doctor's response to her request was to have her sign a waiver and comment, "So that when you come in here when your son comes down with meningitis our insurance company doesn't wonder what we're doing." Apparently the practice is known for telling moms not to believe everything they read in the media.

Really, is this your response? Is this what a new parent of a two-month old needs to hear from her child's pediatrician? No mom wants to be bullied into anything they do related to their child, especially by their pediatrician.

The argument about vaccines and autism may be waning a bit, but some moms are starting to request vaccines be spaced out. [Translation: Baby may not need to have all shots at one visit.] Perhaps giving three at one visit and three more later would better suit a parent and a child. While I know that a pediatrician should know what's best in the kid's medical world, Dr. Sears, a leading expert on 'many things baby' and author of The Vaccine Book, even admits that doctors are not well versed in this subject. They simply pass along what the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) reports to them.

I'm not trying to bad mouth my doctor, because in truth, I love my doctor's office. (Plug for Farrell Pediatrics.) But I will even admit they sometimes can be pushy on the vaccines. They have been more than willing to agree, without a grudge, on my own schedule. (My son's schedule is included in the comments section.) Here is the current AAP schedule:

Birth - Hep B
1 month - Hep B
2 months - DTaP, HIB, Pc, Rotavirus, Polio
4 months - DTaP HIB, Pc, Rotavirus, Polio
6 months - DTaP, HIB, Pc, Rotavirus, Hep B, Flu (if in season)
1 year - MMR, Chickenpox, Hep A
15 months - HIB, Pc
18 months - DTaP, Polio, Hep A, Flu (if in season)
2 years - Flu
3 years - Flu
4 years - Flu
5 years - DTaP, Polio, MMR, Chickenpox, Flu

I will tell you right now we didn't follow this schedule with either of our kids. We were living overseas at the time and the vaccinations were given out at the embassy. After talking to the nurse there, decided we would space it out since it only meant a trip into the embassy. My kids never got more than three at one time and never had much of a reaction to anything. I'm not sure if it was a connection or not.

Now, when my son went to his four year visit, they told me he needed FOUR shots. Do you see four shots on this list at four years? No...I had already researched this prior to my visit. I decided we would give Alex the Polio vaccine at his appointment and spread out the rest until he starts kindergarten, which is the requirement (unless you sign a waiver.) One of the doctor's in the practice did say felt it wasn't necessary to space them out, but couldn't explain why. She agreed to do whatever I felt comfortable with and said her main goal was to get kids vaccinated. If moms want to do it on their own schedule, that was their choice and they were fine to support it. Not the best answer, but one that works for me.

But knowing this now, I will probably opt to get Anna caught up on her boosters starting at her three-year appointment so we're ahead of the game.

I'm not sure the link between what the AAP says and what doctors have to quote. Three years ago, AAP said no bottles after a year, and my doctors came down hard on me about that. Now, they are a bit more lenient and say up to 16 months. The numbers and the data on everything from breastfeeding to solid foods and bottles to pacifiers changes all the time. Isn't it quite possible things will change even for the number of shots during one doctor's visit?

Time Out from Kids

Love the kids, needed a break. It's been almost a year since my husband and I had 24 hours without the kids. We took ours this weekend. Funny what we do with 24 hours now that we have kids. How much has changed in four years! Last year, we attempted New York City for two nights without the kids.

My idea of a great time without the kids is to walk at my own pace. No stopping to pick up sippy cups or to break up fights. No sprinting to catch people who attempt to dart across the street. No carrying people on my shoulders because they got tired. I want to stroll at my own pace once in a while and stop and see sights and watch people. My husband's idea of a great time was to read. Yes, New York City probably wasn't the best choice of places to visit for just sitting and reading.

This year we conferred before planning the trip, and decided to drop the kids in Richmond with my parents and just stay in Richmond--do a little shopping and walking for me and a little reading for him. And that's just what we did: a two-hour walk around the James River, shopping and lunch in Carytown where my husband sat and read, a trip to the mall (you can't do this with kids), dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant and sleeping in until 8 a.m. (I know, but when your kids wake before the sun, this is sleeping in.) Loved it!

Parenting, Inc.: Reverting to Simpler Times

Our generation is such a sensory generation. We don't buy to survive, like perhaps our parents' or grandparents' generations. We are easily marketed to and often tend to buy things which make us feel good.

This, of course, transpires to what we buy for our children. Baby products have become a $240 million industry with product names like Bugaboo, Svan, and Stokke replacing household favorites like Evenflo, Graco and Fisher Price. Where we used to be wary of "new" companies in the baby world, now we're more excited about it than ever. Baby products and classes are no longer about what our kids like and enjoy, but what makes us feel good when they play with the toys or take the class.

I recently read Pamela Paul's new book Parenting, Inc. This insightful book talks about many of the effects of the crazy expensive organized classes for babies, high-priced baby gear and clothes, and "educational" toys and DVDs all for our precious little ones. And these are just some of the topics. Pamela provides an eye-opening account, as well as a rather lengthy list, of all the baby things we have bought into over the past five or so years. [Guilt!] My son was born right around when things really started to take off. I remember enviously eyeing the few people in town who had the first Bugaboos (because they were so cool) and thought, 'Who would pay $800 for a stroller?' If I could've, I would've.

I'm going to just address a few things that hit a chord with me. Pamela devotes a whole chapter to classes, which I find interesting. My son took his first music class when he was five months old. I remember signing him up and being so excited about doing the "mom thing" with other moms. Truth be told, he hated every minute of it. And he wasn't the only one. All the kids under age 2 in the class seemed less than thrilled with being there and would have rather just wandered around the room instead of being expected to sit and listen to the music. We never took another "organized" class after than until my son was 3. I was most relieved to read in Parenting, Inc. that my children were the norm.

"We thrust our babies into this kind of commotion, yet are afraid to just let our kids do their own thing at home, in a safe and nurturing environment. We have allowed ourselves to be robbed of confidence as parents and to deprive ourselves of one of our most ordinary and--often quite easy--roles."

While Pamela doesn't spend the book preaching about simplifying, she does allude to the simple life of yesterday. It's hard for parents to screen out messages we receive on what is good for our kids. For example, I absolutely hate the Leap Frog toys. They "market" these as educational toys, but I have yet to see one kid who actually is learning any more from these noisy toys, what a book, conversation or quieter game wouldn't teach.

And here's the problem:

"What they don't screen out can actually make things worse. Once baby becomes accustomed to overprocessed toys, spontaneously lighting up and emitting noises, toys that "do nothing" seem boring by comparison. The child never learns that he's the one who's supposed to provide the action.

This is why children have trouble making their own fun these days and lacking the ability to pretend and make believe. It's not just about TV or video games, it starts as early as infanthood. Hey, don't get my wrong, my kids lived in the Fisher Price Ocean Wonders Bouncy seat. I remember my husband calling it the ADD chair. Nothing like starting them out at three months addicted to noise and lights. Don't I feel bad now? Perhaps there's something to the Svan bouncy seat.

Then, of course, I loved reading the commentary on TV in the Let Us Edutain You chapter. As someone who doesn't have TV in her home, I was happy to read I'm not that out there for skipping this media all together. I was a bit floored to read the excerpt about Baby Einstein's Day at the Farm--which was one of my son's favorites. "In a twenty-second segment, the scene changes six times. It's about the most wearily day on a farm imaginable." Unfortunately, as a Baby Bunching mom, something had to give in those early years of tending to two babies.

So what's a mom to do? Well, Pamela's book doesn't really give you the direct answer. I think any thinking mom would know what to do. Do your research about what products you do buy for your kids, the classes you take, the things you do "for your kids," and possibly revert back to the way things used to be done. Perhaps when grandma starts out with "in my day . . . ", she was right. Maybe babies sleeping in dresser drawers really was a better option to cribs with lights, music and vibrations.

As Pamela suggests, we are smart shoppers and we have the internet at our disposal. We should use it! Just because there are 25 potty seats on the market, some that even play music and make flushing sound (note: I would buy a potty seat that potty trained my kid!) doesn't mean we need to own them all. I learned a very important lesson from the worst potty seat out there. Just because it looks like a good idea, doesn't mean it is. Luckily, I was only out $15, but I didn't do my research, didn't ask around and as a result had a stupid potty seat neither kid would sit on for 2 years in my house. I found out when I tried to pass it along to someone else, every review on Amazon was a terrible one.

No one needs an $800 stroller or a Soothing Center. If you have the money for it and you love it, then I guess that's your call. If the baby classes out there are for you, then take a few now and then to expose your kids to new environments and you new friends. But in the end, know you're a target for a $221 million a year industry.

Definitely a recommended book for all moms and moms-to-be of young children.

At Play Cafe: Great Idea, Small Space

Let me start off by saying that I was the first to be SO excited about At Play Cafe. I wanted to be the first one at the door, but with Alex's strep throat the week they opened, we had to wait. Waiting meant I got the preliminary reports from friends. The reviews were mixed. Most loved the concept of sitting and talking with friends while their kids played-- and supervised by staff. Truth be told, I just loved having any place to take them during yucky weather.

So, we went today to meet some friends and try it out. When we arrived it was chaotic, due to some local entertainment which had just finished. The play structure is fabulous and fun for kids up to about age 4 would be my guess. Both my kids seemed interested in it enough for a while. The place was clean and the staff very friendly. They do have babysitters on hand to "watch" the kids, but when it gets crowded, two adults can't possibly handle that much commotion.

I'm glad to see a place where moms can take their older (but still young children) to play safely while nursing the other one. How wonderful to see so many moms who were literally walking around with boobs hanging out. I also love that someone has finally addressed a niche which needed to be filled. Like these two place in Richmond: The Playroom and Chat and Play Cafe.

My only complaint, at this time, is the layout. My kids didn't want to stay in the gated area because they could see me. They kept popping up over the short wall asking for snacks, drinks, etc. I'm like, 'We didn't come here to snack.' Which tends to be my standard response at places like the museum, the pool, the park. The staff doesn't really like the kids coming in and out because that leaves room for other kids "escaping." The parents' area is also small and bring in a few strollers and it's madness!

Then after that, it was my son throwing a tantrum because of the sandwich I bought him--the $6 Whole Foods sandwiches they have available. Which are pretty yummy. Thanks to the man who made me the grilled cheese, even though I wasn't a regular customer.

I wish I had some great tips for the owner, who seems like a great guy really willing to make this establishment work, but I don't. The space is difficult manage, and they will probably need to either expand or move to a larger space in order to give parents the space they need to visit and justify the $8 cost for kids to play.

Perhaps it's just that my kids aren't best suited for this place. I can't take them to story hour and organzied classes like music, sports and dance were off limits for a while. Perhaps, my kids are just better for great big open fields and playgrounds. So it's hard to have a place for every kid out there. I think the place is intended for children walking up to age 2 1/2 or maybe 3.

My only other thought would be it might be better if they opened it up a bit more and had the gated area be most of the facility and have tables/chairs inside the gate to allow moms to come in and visit where they can still get to their kids. As a mother of a biter, I can't leave her unattended anywhere for too long. But that's just my kid and my one situation.

With a bit of parent input and a more space (for the kids and moms), this place has a chance. I think they should scrap the idea of story time or music or classes at this point, unless they are going to limit the number attending and possibly the age of the kids.

We will give it another go one day during the afternoon when less kids are probably there, but we will always make sure we come with friends.

For others in area who have gone, let me know what tips you might have to make this place even better. I feel like they're about 75% of the way there.

Earth Day: It's Not Easy Being Green

It's hard to be green, especially with kids. In the past few years, I have actually ignored "green." We are a terrible example of green family. Our neighborhood has a very lax trash policy, where they will throw anything and everything away--and as much as we want. The recycling pick up is strange and varied sometimes.

But with kids, naturally comes excess--disposable diapers, water bottles, snack packs, and just general build up of junk.

We are trying to change our ways here. It's hard for me as mom. We're already a no preservative, organic eating family. I have to be diligent on that front. We are a no TV viewing, do lots outside family. We are a read, feed your brain good stuff family. Doing the green thing just seems to be one more "thing" I have to coordinate. But after I saw a picture in the paper a few weeks back of many, many bottles lined up on the street something inside me weakened.

So our family (ahem, mainly me) is turning over a new leaf.

--We are recycling. I figured out when the recycling people come and what they take. The rest I take over every week to the recycling center which is--2 minutes from my house.

--I am bringing bags to the grocery store. I started out with buying one from Harris Teeter. Cheapy thing broke after 2 weeks. So now I've hauled out the canvas ones we used in Sweden. Yes, I've done this whole gig before. Actually, in Europe they charge you for shopping bags. They may only be 25 cents, but it is incentive to make you bring your own. Now, I've just started reusing my Trader Joes and Whole Foods paper bags. They seem to last a long time!

--We are being smarter about our driving. We try, very hard, to limit our outings and do everything all at once so we're not doing excess driving and wasting gas.

--Walking when we can. We can walk to the grocery store in about 10-15 minutes so we're trying to do more of this.

--Using "greener" cleaning products.

But as you can see, this is hard with kids, even harder when I had two under two. It's easier to throw them in the car (where they are strapped in and confined) and drive. When you're remembering snacks, water, change of clothes, school bags, it's hard to remember to pack the grocery bags or the recycling to take along. I was lucky just to remember all the kids in the early days.

But I am trying, and as the kids get older, this like most things, is getting easier. I really get sick when I think about all the waste from our house alone that I realized we might look like a scene from Idiocracy if we keep doing it. Yuck.