My Secret Love

This was cross posted on DC Metro Moms.

I have a secret love. Many people don’t know about him, except my kids and my husband.

He sleeps with me in bed. Sometimes when I’m sad or sick I need him for comfort. Sometimes he needs to be washed and sometimes he hides from me behind the pillow. Yes, you guessed it. My secret love is my teddy bear. My very own lovey.

This is my first public admittance to my own dependency on a lovey.

He is a white bear with red feet given to me by my mother for Valentine’s Day when I was 10-years old. When I sleep, he is the perfect size for that nook between my chest and my arm (since I am a side sleeper). He has accompanied me many places, including college and overseas. I did manage to keep him out of two delivery rooms and most hotel and guest rooms, but I’ve come to realize that he’s now more than a perfect pillow, but a “comfort” lovey like my two and three-year old obsess over.

When my kids cry out for their lovies, I can understand. When they long for them at the end of the day, I understand. On days when I’ve been sick, my kids will bring “mommy’s bear.” On days when I’ve been

sad, my kids will make the extra trip upstairs to get him. He is worn, faded and pilled. I hide him behind my pillow many days so that guests can’t see him. What would the other moms think of a 32-year old mother who still sleeps with a teddy bear? A mommy lovey?

Sometimes I think adults need some kind of comfort blanket. I watch my son slip into a momentary trance when he takes hold of his froggy blanket and jams his thumb in his mouth. It’s as if peace has suddenly come over his body and all is right with the world. I wish I could say my lovey had this same effect, but it at least helps me drift off to sleep at night with a little less tossing and turning. I am lucky my husband moved over a bit to make room.