Questions from Alex

I've been reading this new book Writing Motherhood, which I LOVE by the way. It's basically a great instruction guide for people like me who love to write and love even more writing about their kids. She offers up unique ideas, suggestions, topics and strategies for keeping yourself writing. One of the things she mentions is keeping track of the questions your kids ask.

Here are the questions from Alex (age 4) in about a 10-minute period in the car yesterday. (Yes, I wrote them down at the stop lights.)

Are we on the toll road now?
How long until we get home?
When does daddy get home?
I see an airplane, is daddy on that airplane?
Is today Tuesday?
When is Tuesday?
Is Daddy your husband?
Can Abby be my wife?
Is Max excited about me coming to his house today?
When do we go to his house?
Are we going to his playground?
Why not?
How old is Cameron?
Is he in Anna's class?
When will be in Anna's class?
Is 18 months older than 2 years?
What time does Elizabeth get off the bus?
When is 3:30?
Does she sleep at school?
Where does she sleep?
Can I have peanut butter and jelly when I get home?
Do I have to take a nap today?
How come you didn't slow down at the yellow light?
What happens if you slow down at the yellow light?

There was discussion in between some of these, but yes, this is the thought flow. When I look at these clustered togethered I realized how interested he is in other people. Funny guy.

We Came, We Read, We Conquered the Library

The library is like this looming building. One reason is because my kids tend to leave a trail of books behind them. Second, usually at least one computer is messed up afterwards, and we've usually pissed off a few library goers in the meantime.

Today....we conquered the library!

I am still in disbelief and unsure of how we finally, after four years, mastered this feat. After this morning's yoga class, when I felt at peace with the world momentarily, I decided because of the rainy drizzle we'd stop off and pick up a few books. The rules for the kids were: "No running. No screaming. No touching the computers."

We walked in with an agenda and this time, I had a list of books. Alex wanted a kids book on The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Pippi Longstocking and book on flags. We managed to pick up a few others on the solar system, Madeline and Lyle the Crocodile. I was able to browse the books in both the children and the Junior Reference section, which my kids...get this...sat at the tables and read! There was no running, no screaming and no playing computers.

Our only issue was I found Anna in the stacks giggling with three older boys (about age 6). What does that say about her? I asked what she was doing. Her response, "I'm playing with they boys." I told her not to tell her daddy about it.

Reliving Pippi Longstocking

A few months back, I called Barnes and Noble to try and pick up a Pippi Longstocking book to read to at my son's school. "How do you spell Pippi?" The lady ask. You have to be kidding??!! Pippi Longstocking was easily one of the most recognizable little girls in children's literature. I laughed at the salesman on the phone and said, "Are you serious? You don't know Pippi?" She didn't even know the author--and she worked in the children's section. Shameful, really.

After our brief stint in Sweden, where Pippi lives as a hero to children. Before the age of three, any good Swedish child can name every character in the books and tell you about them. They have a museum dedicated to Pippi and Astrid Lindgren (the author). You'll find Pippi clothes, books, back packs, dolls, games, puzzles. You name it, they have it.

This past weekend, the Swedish embassy in DC hosted a Pippi Day. Me needing a little bit of Sweden, made the very long trek into town. It was cute and very Swedish. Alex asked all kinds of questions about why Pippi lived alone and why she has a monkey and a horse. We have read a few of the storied, but I went to get one of the Pippi movies on Sunday since it rained all day. (Not the same ones I saw as a child.) Both kids just instantly fell in love with her. She's fun and mischievous. Pippi stories, like many Swedish stories, touch on topics which are a bit taboo here like bullying, grief divorce, and death. You mix that in with a bit of imagination and even a bit of magic and you get something very unique.

The past few days it's been fun to have Pippi back into our lives. She gives us a touch of Sweden and a bit of fun. I hope she'll stick around for a while.

Margarita Mama: Mocktails for Moms-to-Be

When I first received this book in the mail for me to review, I must admit I laughed. Someone came up with a book just for 'mommy- to-be' safe drinks? Seriously!

But I was pleasantly surprised at how clever Margarita Mama turned out to be. To be honest, I used to make my own mocktails (aka the Mama-rita) during my first prengancy. A few of them are actually in here like the Sparkling Cosmopolitan, Pregnant Punch and Hot Mama. Do you see how cute this is? By my second pregnancy, I was mixing sparkling water with a bit of real wine (no, not everyday!) for my own sanity of having to deal with being pregnant and having a not-yet-one-year old.

This is a great little gift book for a new mom-to-be. Not only do the drink names include things like Car Seat, Baby Shower Shake, Cranberry Crib, but each drink comes with a little humor before about being pregnant. Some even come with tips, like when to install the car seat or why blueberries are so good for you.

Parenting, Inc.: Reverting to Simpler Times

Our generation is such a sensory generation. We don't buy to survive, like perhaps our parents' or grandparents' generations. We are easily marketed to and often tend to buy things which make us feel good.

This, of course, transpires to what we buy for our children. Baby products have become a $240 million industry with product names like Bugaboo, Svan, and Stokke replacing household favorites like Evenflo, Graco and Fisher Price. Where we used to be wary of "new" companies in the baby world, now we're more excited about it than ever. Baby products and classes are no longer about what our kids like and enjoy, but what makes us feel good when they play with the toys or take the class.

I recently read Pamela Paul's new book Parenting, Inc. This insightful book talks about many of the effects of the crazy expensive organized classes for babies, high-priced baby gear and clothes, and "educational" toys and DVDs all for our precious little ones. And these are just some of the topics. Pamela provides an eye-opening account, as well as a rather lengthy list, of all the baby things we have bought into over the past five or so years. [Guilt!] My son was born right around when things really started to take off. I remember enviously eyeing the few people in town who had the first Bugaboos (because they were so cool) and thought, 'Who would pay $800 for a stroller?' If I could've, I would've.

I'm going to just address a few things that hit a chord with me. Pamela devotes a whole chapter to classes, which I find interesting. My son took his first music class when he was five months old. I remember signing him up and being so excited about doing the "mom thing" with other moms. Truth be told, he hated every minute of it. And he wasn't the only one. All the kids under age 2 in the class seemed less than thrilled with being there and would have rather just wandered around the room instead of being expected to sit and listen to the music. We never took another "organized" class after than until my son was 3. I was most relieved to read in Parenting, Inc. that my children were the norm.

"We thrust our babies into this kind of commotion, yet are afraid to just let our kids do their own thing at home, in a safe and nurturing environment. We have allowed ourselves to be robbed of confidence as parents and to deprive ourselves of one of our most ordinary and--often quite easy--roles."

While Pamela doesn't spend the book preaching about simplifying, she does allude to the simple life of yesterday. It's hard for parents to screen out messages we receive on what is good for our kids. For example, I absolutely hate the Leap Frog toys. They "market" these as educational toys, but I have yet to see one kid who actually is learning any more from these noisy toys, what a book, conversation or quieter game wouldn't teach.

And here's the problem:

"What they don't screen out can actually make things worse. Once baby becomes accustomed to overprocessed toys, spontaneously lighting up and emitting noises, toys that "do nothing" seem boring by comparison. The child never learns that he's the one who's supposed to provide the action.

This is why children have trouble making their own fun these days and lacking the ability to pretend and make believe. It's not just about TV or video games, it starts as early as infanthood. Hey, don't get my wrong, my kids lived in the Fisher Price Ocean Wonders Bouncy seat. I remember my husband calling it the ADD chair. Nothing like starting them out at three months addicted to noise and lights. Don't I feel bad now? Perhaps there's something to the Svan bouncy seat.

Then, of course, I loved reading the commentary on TV in the Let Us Edutain You chapter. As someone who doesn't have TV in her home, I was happy to read I'm not that out there for skipping this media all together. I was a bit floored to read the excerpt about Baby Einstein's Day at the Farm--which was one of my son's favorites. "In a twenty-second segment, the scene changes six times. It's about the most wearily day on a farm imaginable." Unfortunately, as a Baby Bunching mom, something had to give in those early years of tending to two babies.

So what's a mom to do? Well, Pamela's book doesn't really give you the direct answer. I think any thinking mom would know what to do. Do your research about what products you do buy for your kids, the classes you take, the things you do "for your kids," and possibly revert back to the way things used to be done. Perhaps when grandma starts out with "in my day . . . ", she was right. Maybe babies sleeping in dresser drawers really was a better option to cribs with lights, music and vibrations.

As Pamela suggests, we are smart shoppers and we have the internet at our disposal. We should use it! Just because there are 25 potty seats on the market, some that even play music and make flushing sound (note: I would buy a potty seat that potty trained my kid!) doesn't mean we need to own them all. I learned a very important lesson from the worst potty seat out there. Just because it looks like a good idea, doesn't mean it is. Luckily, I was only out $15, but I didn't do my research, didn't ask around and as a result had a stupid potty seat neither kid would sit on for 2 years in my house. I found out when I tried to pass it along to someone else, every review on Amazon was a terrible one.

No one needs an $800 stroller or a Soothing Center. If you have the money for it and you love it, then I guess that's your call. If the baby classes out there are for you, then take a few now and then to expose your kids to new environments and you new friends. But in the end, know you're a target for a $221 million a year industry.

Definitely a recommended book for all moms and moms-to-be of young children.

Mama Knows Breast

I have a flood of friends expecting babies this spring, hence the reason for some reflective moments back to the past. Most of my friends are having their second, third or even fourth babies so breastfeeding might not be as big of an issue. Once you've done it once, even if you had trouble before, your confidence is still higher than the first go round.

I recently ordered a book, Mama Knows Breast, for my friend Katey who will be having her first baby this spring. This was the cutest reference book I've seen so far on breastfeeding. Just as the picture shows you can totally read it while you feed. You can read it in the hospital while they are coming to take your vitals all day or read it in the bathtub while trying to catch five minutes of alone time. It's a great reference book for first-time breastfeeding moms. If you're struggling with breastfeeding on a second baby, you probably would find this to be a good resource, as well as some much needed comfort.

Andi Silverman, who is mom to two kids (under two, I might add), did a great job writing this book and I would highly recommend it for new moms. It's not the normal breastfeeding book about the types of holds, but includes practical advice about fashion, where it is deemed acceptable to breastfeed and the necessary nursing props (which includes the TV remote and food).

My other personal favorite in the breastfeeding book category was So That's What They're For. It's more of a Girlfriend's Guide to Breastfeeding and definitely something to get you revved up for nursing, should to choose to go that route.

1-2-3: It really is Magic!

My kids are wild! I feel like I have seen it all from them, and my oldest is not even four. We’ve dealt with the hitting, pushing, biting, screaming like every other toddler/preschool mom. My kids aren’t any worse than other kids, but they are intense sometimes, even relentless.

When my son was two and a half, I was about to lose my mind. We had just moved back to the States, he wasn’t in preschool yet and the pushing and hitting was completely out of control. I would get so worked up I could hear the blood pulsing in my ears. Sometimes I was sure my head would explode! A neighbor recommended the book 1-2-3 Magic by Dr. Thomas Phelan. I bought it and read it within an evening since I was desperate for some change and peace in our house. Within two days, it had worked it’s magic! Not just on him but on me.

I will recommend if you want to do this, you really should get your hands on the actual book. He has some very sound advice and recommendations for following through. He even gives you various scenarios to use it, including just plain whining from a child. But here is the gist of it. You explain to your child first that he will have, basically, two chances to stop doing what he’s doing. By the time you get to number 3, there will be a consequence. You have to be pretty ready to follow through on your threat immediately. I used to give Alex ample room in the beginning like:

Mom: Leave that toy in the car.
Alex: No
Mom: Leave that toy in the car or we’re not going to [fill in blank].
Alex: No
Mom: That’s 1
Alex: No
Mom: That’s 2
Alex: Ok, fine.

So really, he’s had more than two chances once I explained it to him what was going to happen. But as we progressed with this method, I would barely get to 1 before he would figure out it was just not worth fighting it. Sometimes, getting to ‘3’ meant a time out. Sometimes it meant the toy disappeared. Sometimes it meant no TV, music or something related. Sometimes it meant we had to go home or do something else.

Beyond the counting method, is Dr. Phelan’s discussion of lecturing to children as part of the discipline process. I used to go on and on with my son telling him why he shouldn’t do this and that. The author’s point is for a two-year old, beyond the first few words is completely lost. They are kids! And to them hear “don’t do this . . . blah, blah, blah, blah.” So why waste our energy and breath on a lecturing a two or three-year old.

Using this method was never perfect. But 99 percent of the time it worked. One of the fundamental things to doing this is mom has to keep her cool. This is extremely hard for me because I am a very impatient person. But it actually helps me separate myself from the situation. If I’m calm, they are calm. And if in the end he throws a fit anyway, I don’t care as much since I didn’t invest the energy in getting worked up.

Ss a side note, this does not work its magic quite as well with my daughter. I have no idea why. But it just doesn’t. My ROI with her is about 80 percent. Still pretty good odds, just not as effective. Perhaps I need to go back and reread the book with her in mind.

But if you’re looking for a new discipline routine—besides timeouts, screaming, or lecturing—this will leave you less stressed at the end, you might give this book a read (or even a scan). You can get the bulk of it from a quick read.

The Vaccine Book: Review

Check out my latest review of Dr. Sears' The Vaccine Book over at DC Metro Moms today. There is an open book discussion so please feel free to jump in or leave a comment here if you like.

Summary: I thought the book was full of good, objective information. Sears provides a wealth of information on each vaccine and everything from details on the disease, how serious, treatable and prevalent each one is. He gives thorough detail on what is actually in each injection, discusses side effects, and gives his opinion on that vaccine. This a great book for a new mom's library, and I hope pediatricians will read it as well. Definitely recommended for those with questions regarding their children's vaccinations.

Mesmerized by the 'Animals'

My kids love music. In fact, we’ve started using music as a substitute for the DVDs (since we don’t have TV) when my kids need some downtime. Children’s music is wonderful and there’s such a beautiful assortment to chose from. But strangely enough, Alex and Anna both seem to enjoy classical music in the background. I expect this from babies, but not necessarily from my overly active toddler/preschooler.

As an amateur musician (from years ago), I wanted to make sure that my kids were exposed to all types of music at an early age and instill in them a love for it. For Alex’s second birthday, he received a book/CD from one of Andrew’s aunts—Carnival of the Animals, by French composer Saint-Saens.

The piece is a musical suite of fourteen movements—lasting a little less than half an hour. Accompanying the CD is a book with wonderful illustrations of the animals played in the piece by flute, clarinet, violin, viola, cello, bass, glockenspiel, xylophone and piano.

When we first got the CD and book, we sat down to read the text with the CD playing. It was one of his favorites. Now, when we put the music on, he grabs the book and sits down to listen to the enire piece on his own, many times talking through it with Anna.

Literary favorites gone bad

Reading is a very important activity in our household. More for my husband than for me. He reads at the speed of light. He’s read hundreds of thousands of books in his 31 years. His parents have floor to ceiling bookshelves full of classic literature. It is a reading family. So it’s no surprise that is encouraged for our children. Our kids love to read. My son, who is 3 ½ sits for books longer than I can sit sometimes. He will listen to the longer Dr. Seuss such as Bartholomew and the Oobleck or Horton Hatches an Egg. Many books that I hear the Barnes and Noble staff recommending for 8-year olds.

I was shocked when my son asked me to read him “St. George and the Dragon” from a children’s anthology book. It was called something like Children’s Favorites. Well, in the past 3 days, I have read this story at least 3 times each day. The thing my husband and I both liked is that there were very few pictures in the book and he seemed genuinely interested in story and not the drawings. Upon further inspection of the stories though, we discovered they were not only “dumbed down,” but incorrect from the “classic fairytale” versions. The dragon doesn’t die in St. George and the Dragon. Even my son asked, where the knight’s sword was in the picture. He said, “How can he fight the dragon with no sword?” I mean, come on. Even my kid is smart enough to realize it was a joke.

What’s happened to children’s literature where anyone can write a book these days. And bad books at that. I can’t believe some of the books we have on our shelves. In fact, Andrew has taken to throwing them out. I argue that we should donate them. His response, “No child should be subjected to bad literature.” Who gave someone permission to change Little Red Riding Hood. Why can’t the hunter kill the wolf? Is there something politically incorrect about that? Who said all stories have to be about getting along? What happened to the great stories about good vs. evil?

Recommendation: Don’t buy a book until you have read it yourself. If you roll your eyes about it during the first read, believe me after 100 more you’ll want to throw that book in the trash too.

Favorite we’re reading now:
Tikki Tikki Tembo
Boxes for Katje
Animals Do the Strangest Things
Danny and the Dinosaur
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
Stone Soup
Curious George Books (all of the original ones)
Babar
Anno’s Counting Book
Madeline
Busy, Busy Day