Learning to Play

Here is the difference with my kids. Alex, while a bit on the agressive side with some boys, will play with anyone. He's not picky. Boy. Girl. Three. Four. Five. Six. He can turn any kid into this new best friend. I challenge you to bring on the kid he can't befriend. Anna, however, has a different style. We can't figure it out. She's not interested in making friends outside of the two she's had for a few years. She wants to be in the spotlight, but dammit if she will step on everyone to get there.

This week I decided to stop in at school and visit her teacher. Yep, when I pulled up I see Anna trying to climb over the fence of the playground and the teacher removing her not once, but twice and sternly saying something that I can only imagine was "please, stay off the fence."

Sure enough her teacher reported that Anna is learning to play with others. Hmmmmm...funny, since I heard this same report last year. Although she did follow it up with telling me Anna was pretty clever. Apparently she wanted the swing. The kid wouldn't get off so Anna parked a stroller in front of the swing so the kid couldn't actually....swing. She admited it was one of the more clever ways she'd seen to get someone off the swing, but did recommend that she use "words" instead of conniving ways to get people to do what she wanted. (No, she didn't say this exactly, but I got the point.)

Preschool politics are so fun!

School Starts: Girl Goes to School

My kids start school this week, and today was Anna's first day. Because of the days they go, she had to start before Alex. Can I just tell you there was a lot of "why does she get to go first?" conversation in this house lately. Alex goes tomorrow so a day is a HUGE difference in the life of a four-year old.

So this year started out much like last year. Except Anna plays the I-don't-want-you-to-leave-grab-my-leg card. I don't buy this anymore. She pretends she's shy so the teachers give her extra attention. Sweetie, I'm on to you.

After about two seconds of pretending she's so scared to be there, she darts to the dress up area and starts playing. Did she look back? No way. I feel so fortunate that it's always this easy. I did hear later from her about all the other kids who cried for their moms. My little gossip queen. For her, the big step up from the 2s class to the 3s is being able to do car line. She loved it, but soon have to learn it's not OK to dart out to the car.

While Anna was in her one hour of phase in, Alex and I used this rare time to have lunch together. How fun to take my boy out for lunch alone, without his sister. His response was "Mommy, it's fun to do things just with you sometimes. I love Anna, but sometimes I love just me and you. Can we share some ice cream?" Yes, ever the master negotiator.

Ah, Modesty

The three of us get out of the car this evening. Anna flips her hair back and smiles. She prances on and says, "Someone's going to look at me and say I'm beautiful." And I quote because I stopped and wrote it down! Yes, a princess indeed.

Camp Drop Off is Never Easy

Today finally arrived! After six weeks of summer with either one kid or both kids at home, today I dropped both kids off at summer camp. Well, it's only morning summer camp so I imagine it is more like preschool outside. But, still, today I am kid free. I had all my papers in order and prepped the kids before I dumped them both off.

But I was sad as I drove away.

Alex, disappointed not be in the same group with his other friends, frowned and moaned and then jumped right up on the bench and started playing. He looked at me and said, "good bye mom. See ya!" Done.

Anna wasn't quite as convinced. She played the sad card about not wanting me to go. I kissed her, said I loved her and walked off. I expected to hear crying and moaning and maybe even her darting after me. Nope. I look back and she's happily playing on the bench with some kids.

I got in the car and drove home. Happy to have some time to get chores done. Sad that I just left them in the hands of a few college kids, who I hope are capable of keeping track of 12 kids. I try not to think about it too much or I know I would go back and check on them during the day.

Today You Are Three

My dearest Anna,

I can hardly believe that today you are three! It doesn't seem possible that three years ago today you entered our world. It has been so fun to watch you grow, even in just three short years.

You are certainly a girl filled with spirit and individuality. No can't be bribed for anything. You want what you want and that's about it. While you always like to dress in pink and purple, it's not without a spunky twist. You'll bungee jump off the sofa with your brother and roll around playing war, but only if you have your hairclip or princess dress on at the same time.

You're not one to be left behind and left out. Peeing by a tree, no problem for you. Doing the monkey bars that are well above your ability, you're right there behind your brother. Secretly, I think you wanted to be a first child. You almost were, being on the heels of your brother. But you are what you are.

You are an artist. You can sit and draw, paint or create for long periods of time if only given enough paper. You love to run and play, but need time to rest in between. You love to stop and dance to the music anywhere you are. You love to cuddle mommy. You tend to be a bit dramatic about everything. And while you love to have friends, you seem to have a little trouble making them. But you have no trouble making friends with puppies.

Happy Birthday to my little girl.

Love,
Mom

Telling Birth Stories

Over at DC Metro Moms today, they're talking about birth stories. Rather than bore the general population with the nitty gritty, I decided to talk there about how I faked labor with my second baby, but here I would bore you with the details.

03.27.2004 Doha, Qatar (Alex, at left)
I had been having--what I now know to be--light contractions for several days. They had become fairly frequent and what I thought was stronger. We called the doctor and she suggested we meet her at the hospital at 7:30 p.m. to be checked. We arrived and checked in. In the U.S., I hear this can be a painful process. We walked in, they took our name and phone number and assigned us a room. That was it. Nothing more was needed. At 7:45 p.m. my water broke right before Dr. Amal Badi arrived. I was unsure of how people could ever wonder if their water broke or not because it was quite obvious that’s what it was. Fluid gushed, soaking my pants, top of my shirt and shoes.

The bad news was when they checked me, my cervix was neither dilated nor effaced. But now I had the water breakage that made the clock start ticking. (You only have 24 hours after that otherwise risk infection.)

My mother was arriving in Doha at 10:30 p.m. so since it looked like things wouldn’t happen in the next 2 hours, Andrew left to go pick her up. Right before he left, they checked me again with still no progress even though the contractions were starting to come faster and stronger now. They were ready to induce since things weren’t moving along on their own. I decided to wait on the pitocin until Andrew returned from the airport, knowing that these contractions would be much worse once medication took over.

Andrew and I kept in contact via cell phone while he waited at the airport. I felt very alone. I was the only one in the delivery ward that night, and while my doctor had stayed, she was resting in the next room. There was only one nurse on duty and I was scared.

By the time he came back, the contractions were getting pretty painful. I was convinced that surely now, things had started to move. My cervix was starting to efface but still no dilation….they said the contractions needed to be stronger to move him down. At midnight, when Andrew and my mom returned, they started the pitocin. Almost immediately I began to feel the difference in the intensity. I tried every position that I read about in all the books and some were definitely better than others. The birthing ball was where I spent most of the time in these early parts of labor. I walked as much as I could, but the pain was like nothing I could ever had imagined. Since the baby was in a posterior position, most of the pain was in my back. I felt like my whole backside was going to split open.

At 4 a.m. they checked me again and after 4 hours of pain-wrenching labor and no drugs, I was finally about 1 cm dilated. But I wasn’t allowed to get the epidural until 4 cm. By this time, I was tired and run out of energy. At least if things had been moving along a bit more, I might have been more encouraged. They decided to turn off the pitocin and give me some Demerol so I could rest. The Demerol immediately made me start vomiting and become dizzy. If only they had told me this would be the reaction, I would have been lying down when they administered it. So, I had about 3 hours of sleep with just the normal contractions. What a difference! I think if I had progressed normally, I would have been able to better handle the pain. Andrew slept on the hard, cold floor beside my bed (no extra bed) and my mom got a bed upstairs in what would be my room later on. At 8 a.m., with still very little progress, they turned the pitocin back on. The pain was even worse than before. Andrew and my mom, all working on very little sleep, helped coach me for the next 4 hours. They came back in to check me and I was only 2 ½ cm dilated. I just couldn’t take the pain anymore and still felt I had so long to go. They administered another dose of Demerol, which did nothing this time except make me sick again. About 30 minutes later, I decided I just couldn’t make it any longer and asked for the epidural. I loved the lady who brought me the drugs!

I was a bit scared about getting the epidural. The thought of someone sticking a needle in your spine…yikes. But Andrew stood there and held me the whole time and helped me to be calm about the whole thing and it really didn’t hurt.

Once that took affect, everything seemed so much better and moved much faster, I was able to better handle the pain and relax. By the time they checked me a few minutes later, I was already 4 cm. The pain started to increase gradually, but quickly. My doctor was due to arrive around 3 p.m. but at 2:30 I started feeling like I needed to push. I don’t think they believed I could have progressed that quickly, but at 3 p.m. when they finally checked me again, I was fully dilated and ready to push. The room was a sudden burst of activity as everyone started running around to get ready.

What a relief! What excitement…the time had come! Mainly, it was nice to know that this was almost over. I was afraid that the result would be a C-section since I was nearing the 24-hour mark. Once I started pushing, I felt that things were finally almost there. The delivery room was filled with, what seemed like, a million doctors and nurses. Apparently, there was nothing else going on in the hospital that night and I was the main attraction, drawing at least (from what I remember) about six additional nurses who were bored from no excitement.

Andrew and my mom were great coaches telling me what a great job I was doing and giving me updates on where he was in the birth canal. Andrew, who used to not want to have ANYTHING to do with watching the baby come out, was now fixated on baby’s every move--in between, wiping my forehead with a wet washcloth. As we got closer, I was told I would need an episiotomy, which I wanted very much to avoid, but apparently there was no way that head was coming out of me without it. Once the incision was made, it was two or three more pushes.

After about 55 minutes of pushing, they brought him out with a flying swoosh and set him on my chest. I started kissing him and telling him how much I loved him before they moved him on the incubator next to me to check him. Andrew took his place next to the pediatrician to make sure all was right there and my mom stayed with me through the stitching process.

I thought I was done now and after I pushed out the placenta, they were worried I was bleeding too much. They were afraid that my cervix had torn and would need more stitches. They topped off my epidural to investigate the problem. Turns out I had a blood clot that needed to be removed.

After a few minutes of doctors looking over Alex, they brought him to me to try to nurse. Andrew and I cuddled him and both of us started to cry. What a precious little miracle had been set into our arms. I was pretty sure that all that pain had been worth it. I was also pretty sure the next time……would have to be easier.


And it was....Anna was born less than 16 months later after eight hours of labor and three pushes. (Anna at left)

And She's Off . . . Into the Water

Trial and error seems to be, unfortunately, the way we learn as parents. From day one whether it's about how your baby likes to be nursed or whether they want to sleep swaddled, we go through the days and weeks trying new foods, new schedules, new tricks to get our kids to sleep or bribes to get them to go potty. Parenting isn't only about our kids, it's also us learning as we go. I feel with each stage I get smarter as a mom, yet my kids always put me back into my place.

So, we're back to the swim topic again. Yesterday after our disastrous class, I decided to lighten up. I took her to the pool again in the afternoon and watched her do--on her own--all the things her instructor had asked her to do four hours earlier: face in the water, kicking, floating on back with a noodle, etc. She did it all on her own without the tears. So what's a mom to do? Instead of obsessing about it all evening and this morning, I just let it go by until we got to swim class.

Anna told me she would not swim with Andy and that she would cry if I made her. I told her, 'I will come with you, but we're going to ask together if you can switch to the other teacher.' And we did. And she did. They agreed it would be best. And do you know what? I now am the proud mother of a little Starfish. She couldn't keep still. She was kicking and putting her face in and splashing around better than anyone else. She needed someone she was comfortable with. She kept looking back at me and squealing with delight.

Trial and error. We do, we learn, we make mistakes, but in the end, I think we usually figure it out.

Battle of the Buckets and Bubbles

Today was day three of the swim lessons. Anna and I had a pep talk this morning about what she was expected to do: go into the water, play the games and not cry. She didn't have to put her head under the water. She just had to play. She agreed and I went on to bribe both kids. I have no shame. The deal was, listen to the teacher, play the games the best you could and each would get a lollipop afterwards. Alex was revved up about the lollipop for sure. Anna agreed she could try.

We get there and she checks out the situation. Her instructor Andy is with another class. She talks about Andy and decides he's OK and she's going to play. Her class begins and she walks right on over and gets into the pool. The first activity: pouring water on their heads with a bucket. Did Anna like this? Nope. Did this help Andy win over Anna? No way! She screamed and cried and fussed. She stayed in the water for a bit, and then got out and sat and cried some more. She cried so much I finally had to go over and hold her hand to get back into the water and they stayed there.

Andy tried to get her to blow bubbles--which she will do--but she emphatically said no! "I will NOT blow bubbles for you!" So here we are. Almost halfway through swim lessons and Anna refuses to participate. Money well spent, I think.

He has asked me to send her back tomorrow, and he'd try to have the other instructor work with her instead. But I think this might be a wash. This my Anna. One who doesn't give into peer pressue. One who does what she wants to do. One who wants what she wants. What she wants is not to have anything to do with swimming, at least not with Andy.

Is this fear of the water or is this a power play game?

The Swim Wars

There are the mommy wars and the potty wars, but these days I'm facing the swim wars.

As we've done with potty training, my daughter is fighting me tooth and nail about the pool. What kid doesn't love the water? Well, many I suppose since I was one of them. I didn't learn to swim until I was 10, and I taught myself. I had swim lessons before that, but for some reason I was stubborn or my parents didn't push it or I didn't respond. But I will not let this be my kids.

It's awful to be the kid at the pool who can't swim. I'm not talking swimming properly, I'm talking staying afloat.

So, needless to say, it pains me watching one of my kids not enjoy the water and be stubborn as well.

Alex grew up in the water. His first jump into the pool was at four months. From there he learned to love it or at least tolerate the luxurious pool living of Qatar--meaning the cleanest and most perfect temperature pools you'll ever know, with a pool-side bar.

He has progressed at a reasonable level and I hope by the end of the summer--at 4 1/2--will be swimming without assistance.

Anna, however, is another matter. Her definance in the water is like that with most everything. Phrases like "I will NOT go under the water", "I will not ever swim", "I need you to hold me" scare me a bit into thinking, will she be 10 years old and unable to swim?

Today at her swim class when the instructor put her in a little time out for not listening about not climbing on the railing, she then refused to do anything--no sitting in the water, no face in (which she will do), no kicking feet, no swimming with the noodle. Her response was to refuse to participate. She sat on the side of the pool for 25 minutes and seemed pleased with her tactic the whole time.

I told her that tomorrow she needed to at least go in and play the games and at least try. Afterall, swimming is not like ballet, soccer or gymnastics. This is not optional. Learning to swim is survival and is mandatory in our house.

So this afternoon, I slapped on the swim arm floaties and we headed to our pool. I decided I couldn't have her scared of the water--even it meant using flotation devices to get her there. Then we followed up with a bath, complete with water over her head. She cried and then exclaimed that getting her head wet was fun.

Can we transfer this excitement to the pool tomorrow? Any tips are appreciated.

A Perfect Walk

Yesterday when meeting up with several moms from my mom's group, I made the last-minute decision that we'd walk the mile to the playgroup instead of our normal drive. It seems silly to drive when I noticed the actual mileage was about .9 miles. What a waste! But with two young kids who don't sit in the stroller, it often limits us on transportation.

The weather is perfect here for walking so the kids agreed to ride in our red wagon. Not really knowing how long this would last, I was fully prepared to turn around at anytime, but surprisingly, they loved it.

As we walked we had great conversations about the things we saw. The kids didn't seem to be rushed to get there, although I must admit pulling nearly 80 pounds of kid got old fast. But as we have another event this afternoon--also less than a mile away--I think I might opt for another walk today.

We walked to be green, to enjoy the fresh, to have some conversation and get some exercise. Look at the gas we saved!

The Next Birthday

So after the whole "keeping it simple" for Alex's birthday, I decided to try a little harder to keep it simple for Anna's birthday, which is in exactly one month. Yikes! How did that creep up on me?

I had all along decided we'd do Anna's party at Frying Pan Park. She is crazy about the farm and I was sure a small party there would be perfect. Well, after I figured in possible heat, heat, heat in mid-July I scratched that idea. After Alex's party in March at the playground, complete with costumes, Anna declared she wanted the same party and the same playground. While that playground is very shaded during the day, it may not be enough for the July heat + humidity.

But my friend Amy did it perfectly with her pool party. After we attended her son's birthday on the hottest day so far this year, I decided this was my safest choice. Pool to keep cool. Cake for everyone. It was easy to reconvince Anna that this would be the 'best' thing. I mean, c'mon, she's only three. She agreed the pool party was fabulous, and she, too, wanted one. I love how we're able to redirect kids at that age.

So a pool party it is! Just think of how easy party favors will be.

With each birthday party I host, I learn new things. So while it was so fun to have all of Alex's class at his party, I think we're going to opt for a smaller party this time, with just her closest friends (Read: four little girls). The only issue I have is the party will be held at the neighborhood pool. My solution: enough cake for our good neighbor friends who happen to be there at the same time.

Stay tuned as I'm sure more birthday party politics will arise.

Car Seats and Preschoolers

I was never quite as anal as my friend about car seat installation. With babies born overseas, we didn't have the opportunity to stop at 'car seat check locations,' especially since in Qatar babies weren't even in car seats most of the time. They used to ride up front with the goats (no, I'm not kidding) or dad would hold the baby up against the steering while while he plowed through a deadly roundabout. Seriously.

But both my kids had their appropriate car seats, and they were installed to the best of my ability. As they got older and were able to climb in and even fasten it on their own, I admit to being a bit lackadaisical about checking the fit--too loose, too high, too low, twisted strap, etc. This is certainly a failure on my part, and I should be better about it.

This past weekend we had a car seat scare. This is the third time it has happened, but never has it made me sick to my stomach. On our way to Richmond, we pulled up to the toll booth and the arm didn't go up. My husband slammed on the brake and my daughter--strapped into her car seat--flew forward, seat and all, hitting her head on the back of the driver seat. Actually, she hit the DVD player screen. Turns out while she was fastened in, but the car seat was not. My kids had played in the car earlier that day and someone must have unhooked the car seat (our Britax Roundabout no longer has the LATCH on it so we have to buckle it in 'old school'). This is the third time her car seat has been undone, but the previous two times I found it before we left the house.

Needless to say, I was grateful for the guardian angel who gave us the head's up on Anna's seat. Braking at five miles an hour is a lot less painful than braking or being hit at highway speed.

Lesson learned: Be more judicious with the car seat inspection before driving. Life is precious.

We Call Her the An-na-droid

An android is a robot designed to resemble a human, usually both in appearance and behavior--like C3PO.

This is my daughter! You laugh, but it's true. The girl needs little to no sleep and can run on empty a good part of the day. We were amazed when she was an infant how she slept less than the other babies and could wake at 5 a.m. for the day and be...well, fine. Besides two ear infections before she was six months old, this child never gets sick for more than 24 hours.

She can go to bed late and wake up early and plow right through naptime without so much as a blink. She is a machine. We can't figure out how or why. But we love her...our own little android...ahem, I mean Annadroid.