Baby Bunching Has Arrived

While we're still working out the kinks, the site is now live. It's more of a blog at this point, but we hope it will turn into more. It's fun to see three years of work starting to take shape. Please head on over to the Baby Bunching site. Bookmark it. Comment. Pass it along to all your friends who are current Baby Bunchers (two under two) or soon will be.

It's a work in progress. I hope that it will turn into a forum for funny stories as well as tips.

Oh, and there's a giveaway on there already.

Cohabitating Kids

So one of my favorite topics of Baby Bunching (website soon to be launched I hope) is about kids sharing rooms. Right after people ask about double strollers (yes, you must have one), they often inquire about kids sharing a room. When will it be OK for kids to share a room? Do I need a second crib?

Now everyone has a different philosophy on this. I know back in the day my grandparents put my aunt in a dresser drawer in some room of the house to accommodate the six kids, but these days many parents tend not let kids share a room until they're a bit older.

With my kids, my first son was such a fabulous sleeper. By three months he was sleeping through the night and took very regular naps. Do you think I was about to screw that up when my daughter came along? Uh, no. He had one room. She had the other.

Good sleeper. Bad sleeper. Never the two shall meet. Until Grandma's house. This week at my parents' house we have begun introducing them to cohabitation--sibling style. While my parents have plenty of space in their house, the easiest set up is to stick both kids in the same room. This may not seem like a big deal, but to kids who have for the few short years of their lives only slept alone, this can be a bit of an adjustment. This is the second time we've tried putting them in the same room, and I'm proud to announce this go 'round we've finally almost got it right. The first night, both kids agreed they needed to not talk so they could fall asleep. That was more of Alex dictating to Anna that he couldn't sleep when she talked. But today, they both decided they wanted to sleep together one of the bigger beds. The rules: no talking, hands to yourself, you must rest. Sure enough, both kids napped....together...in the same bed. This is a breakthrough for us. As it opens up the possibility to finally all getting one hotel room!!!!

Two Under Two is Hard: Yes, It Can Even Suck

When a friend of mine recently delivered her second baby...within two years, she said to me, "If someone told me how this was, I would tell them it sucked and not do it!" So says most moms of two under two. Which is why, my friend and I are writing a book on this topic. (It's been at the publishers now for five weeks. My agent swears we should hear in about two.)

I could see her struggling, just as I did at this point when Anna was born.

• Half-buckling your infant into the car seat at the mall, only to realize that your toddler has left your side and darted into the parking lot.

• Arriving at your toddler’s much loved and anticipated weekly gymnastics class, only to have your infant’s dirty diaper leak all over him, you and the Baby Bjorn. So much for spotting your toddler on Little Gym equipment.

• Emerging from a much needed bathroom break—your first all day, in fact—to find your toddler shoving his peanut butter sandwich in your infant’s mouth.

These are daily occurrences in the life of those of us with kids less than two years apart. As they get older, it gets easier. It even becomes fun. But for those first 18 months...that's right, 18 months...it can be a foggy haze for moms. The good news is that neither your toddler nor your baby will remember this chaotic time.

As I was listening my friend's stories--her oh-so-familiar stories--I wondered what advice I could give to her for those early weeks. Here are a few: (If I give you too many, than you won't buy the book.)

1. Get a sling. If you start early with baby, you can get him used to the sling and they will possibly sleep, eat and hang out while you multitask.

2. Get help from someone--babysitter, friend, mom, grandmother, aunt. Someone to help you make meals, do the laundry, watch your toddler, etc.

3. Don't worry about the mess. Two kids is hard, but when your oldest hardly talks or listens, getting him to clean up toys or keep food on the table is impossible. Have low expectations for cleanliness and embrace organized chaos (aka: lots o' bins to hide the mess).

4. Pick one room that you keep organized so that you can escape the mess during the day.

5. Do laundry on set days. This advice from another mom saved me. I used to do laundry all week long. She suggested I pick only two days to all my laundry. This way I didn't feel I was spending my whole week folding clothes.

6. In the first few weeks or even couple of months, the tone should be survival. Do what you have to do to get everyone asleep and fed, including you.

7. Babies can cry. Try to get around the fact that your little one will cry. You need to tend to your toddler first if you can. Your baby, unfortunately, will learn to wait.

8. Nothing about the first few months of two under two is fun. But I swear it will become fun when your kids are new best buddies early on.

If you are a new mom to 'two under two,' congratulations and welcome to the wonderful world of chaos. It's a fun ride!

Potty Training: I Think We Often Forget the Training Part

Recently the topic of potty training resurfaced amongst my mommy friends because nary a month goes by where someone isn't struggling with this issue. With both my kids now fully potty-trained both day and night, I thought I'd offer up some tips. Here are a few of the questions I get pretty regularly from friends and my usual responses. (Note: These are not meant to be anything more than tips. I don't boast to be an expert in this area because if you've been reading this blog, you know I HATE to potty train.)

At what age did you potty train your two children?

Both my kids (boy and girl) were fully potty trained around two and a half. I don't believe all the stuff you read about kids showing readiness when they are interested in the potty or stay dry during the night. My kids were interested in the potty at a year. By 16 months I probably could have started the process. By two they were experts in defiance so I passed on it all. Never were they dry overnight! With both, they were "ready" when I found them changing their own diapers.

How long did it take you to potty train?

My son reacts to bribes so I had him fully trained (for daytime) in seven days. But after about the third day, we were more than halfway there. My daughter was a bit more difficult. Turns out my son really helped the process by teacher her to potty. She was fully trained (for daytime) in less than a week.

How did you do it so quickly?

This is where the training comes in. Potty training is no part-time gig. I'm sure it's different for different kids and different households, but when a family makes a decision to potty train, for several days it needs to be a full-time gig for child and trainer (mom, dad, nanny, daycare, etc.) Training is the key word. It's a lot of work. Think about training for a marathon or the Olympics. These are full body, mind and soul experiences for an athlete. Potty training should be the same.

When I potty trained both my kids, I did it over a weekend when I had extra hands around to help. We lived in the bathroom and life was, well, miserable for two to three full days. But then the bulk of the work was over.

Do you use pullups?

No! Once you start potty training. Pullups send a mixed signal to kids. If you don't want them to have an accident while you're out and you need the Pullups, consider underwear THEN put the Pullups over the underwear. This lets them know when they have wet (since they'll feel it) but it will keep your car seat, friend's furniture, etc. protected.

When did you nighttime potty train?

With my first, I waited a few months before we tackled nighttime. I was scared and not wanting to get up in the middle of the night. If you have a newborn baby or if you're pregnant or if you're just not mentally ready to tackle this (since it means loss of sleep) then don't. But I wouldn't recommend you go too long on this road. Again, the Pullups/diapers at night send a mixed signal. With my second child, once we told her the diapers were for big girls, she didn't want the diapers even at night or naps, so we just pitched them and went for the full on potty training.

How did you night time potty train?

Night time potty training, like daytime, is full on training--for both parent and child. I think this one may be more for us though. It's hard to get up at night once, twice or four times and change sheets. To make it easier, layer the sheets and a waterproof sheet so you just have to strip it off and not actually change it. Because as any mom knows, you can't turn on the light so you have to be able to do it in the dark. Have new PJs and undies ready to go each night so you don't have to hunt for them. Walk child to the toilet even though they have already gone. And for goodness sakes, don't give them drinks before bed!!!

Get rid of the Pullups when you do this. It's a crutch for you and even if it takes some time, you'll be diaper free sooner than you think. Pullups are expensive and the longer your kids go in them, the harder I would assume it is to break the habit.

Don't some kids have trouble with this? Aren't there kids peeing in beds until age 5?

Yes. There was an article about this a friend sent me. I'm sure there are kids with physiological issues with wetting the bed. I can't speak to this issue.

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On the whole, I have to say that potty training is not for the weak of heart--though at some point, we all must be part of it. It takes some sweat and maybe even some tears (often from mom). Sure, if you want to go the route where child does it when he/she is ready and that works for you, then go for it. I'm speaking only about those wanting to get it done and over with. I know it can be done. Kids around the world learn to do this at a young age because in most countries diapers are expensive so they pitch the diapers long before we do.

Good luck and remember it's called 'training' for a reason.

Cleaning Up Table Manners

This was cross posted to DC Metro Moms

My husband always says our kids (who are almost 4 and 2 ½) are animals at the table. He’s probably right. But when I look at them eating with other children, they are about middle of the road—not the worst and not the best. So slowly we have been trying to clean up their table manners because well, it's just good to have good table manners.

I know it can be done. I remember the first time I saw it in action at my son’s dagis (aka preschool) in Sweden. I walked in each day to pick him up, but one day I caught the end of lunch. Every child was sitting down to a hot meal (soup, salad and entrée) with a real plate, fork, spoon and knife and a plastic cup. They all sat nicely and were chatting by candlelight! This was when I knew that we Americans are really animals when it comes to eating. Eating on the run, eating standing up, eating while reading a book.

I have declared dinnertime the time of day to be civil—as best as we can. Now, I will be honest, my husband doesn’t make it home in time for dinner most nights. I make dinner, the three of us sit down and eat and he eats later. So it's hard to make this the time to sit as a family. But I feel it’s my role as “mom” to set the general tone of dinnertime where we all stop, turn off the DVDs, put away the toys and books and eat like human beings.

My son started very early knowing this was when we asked “how was your day?” After finally getting Alex and Anna to learn to use utensils at 2 and 1, respectively, we could at least pretend to be human. Alex would ask everyone “how is your day?” We’d respond appropriately and move on to other topics.

The latest issue was waiting until everyone was seated before we all chowed down. This was solved by my in laws visit last summer. Alex decided he loved the ‘saying grace’ aspect of the meal. While I have never been a ‘pray before meal’ kind of girl, I welcomed the opportunity to thank God for the food on our plate if it meant we’d all at least start the meal together. So Alex’s grace goes like this: “Thank you God for the food and thank mom for making it. Let us enjoy this food. Amen.” Hey, I can’t argue with that. The grace changes from time to time, but that is the general idea.

Ok, I can now check 'starting together' off our list. The next issue is the matter of scarfing down food at the speed of light. A girlfriend of mine mentioned setting a timer for 10 minutes. During that time she requires her two kids to sit at the table, eat and engage in some sort of conversation. Once the timer goes off, they are free to exit. I tried this. I was pleasantly surprised that my kids can actually spend more than 10 minutes at the table. Indeed, when the timer went off, my kids were still actually eating. Yay! Cross that off the list.

The next issue is getting up a million times during a meal. I have told them time and time again to sit down and eat. Don’t get up and play with a toy. Don’t get up and do this and that. Don’t get up and stand on your chair. The new rule in our house is if you get up from the table, then you’re done. No coming back for food on your plate later (unless it’s a potty break).

And of course, the most difficult table dispute is the “no thank you” bite. I absolutely insist that everything on the plate must be tried before anyone gets down from the table. While I would love for them to finish it all, if they at least try it, I'm OK with letting it go for now.

So our dinner ritual last night went something like this:

We sat down to eat--minus my husband who works late most nights. Alex initiated grace which was, as usual, “Thank you God for this food it looks very yummy. Thank you mommy for making it. Enjoy the food. Thank you God.”

We ate and enjoyed some conversation about the day. Everyone ate most of their food, including the salmon I made. It was more a “no thank you bite” for Alex, but Anna actually ate the whole thing. Who knew? They both finished up and carried their plates to the kitchen. Mommy sat enjoying her glass of wine with a smile. I wish daddy had been here to see this!

Making Christmas memories with salad

Part of my renewed commitment to enjoying the holidays is to make a few memories with the kids. I wanted to take them one evening during the week to look at Christmas lights. While sitting in the car to gaze at lights used to be a pastime of mine, I wanted the kids to get outside since the chilly air temp has a lot to do with creating Christmas memories for me.

So we headed to Reston Town Center. Not the most unique set up, but it was close by and free. So if the plan went bad we had an easy escape plan. The kids were floored by the lights. All the trees were fully wrapped in white lights from top to bottom. Anna ooed at the big Christmas tree. Alex stood fascinated by the ice skaters. It was a mini wintery wonderland for preschoolers. Done, I thought! What an easy outing. It was well past dinnertime and since everyone was happy, I decided to stop in for dinner at Panera. I pitched a ham sandwich for dinner and both kids’ faces lit up. But when I walked to the door and saw they were “temporary closed” for cleaning I was sorely disappointed.

Now as every mom knows this is a tricky situation. Do I repitch a new dinner idea? Find something with the same theme to console those saddened by the disappointment? Or abandon the whole trip and go home? Now, a smart, experienced mom would say a kink in the plan means a chance that the rest of the outing will go south so choice C (go home) is your best bet. Did we do C? Nope, we found someplace sandwichy to go instead. Live and learn and follow gut next time, I say in hindsight.

I’m guessing since you’re still reading you’re curious about dinner. Well, we walked to the La Madeline across the street. As we walk in, the man entering in front of us lets the door slam on me, my son and the stroller once . . . and then again. Grumbling mom of two small kids enters. Menu reads ham sandwich, perfect. Done. We wait in a very, very long line of customers. (Go home, my brain says. Stay or else you’ll have meltdowns, my heart says.) We wait. The kids are surprisingly good. Just as the guy says “next in line,” Alex asks a question. I must have missed the next “next in line” and the lady behind me says, “EXCUSE me” in that nasty tone, and I shoot her a dirty look. Hey, lady, lighten up. Do you see me struggling here?

We move through the line and my kids are starting to lose patience. I have a tray with food on it, a stroller and another child. People are passing by me at rapid speed. I’m wondering how I will get to a table with everyone since the woman behind me keeps sighing at my pokiness. Finally, the guy comes with our food, while I’m in still in line and just stands there. No offer to help. Just stands there staring at me. (Note to self: Next time ask for help.) We finally find one of the last tables left that seats more than two people. It hasn’t been cleaned yet and the man is standing drinking his coffee with his dirties on the table. He offers the table. We grab it. He stands and talks to my kids, while I bus his table. Meanwhile, I have to go grab our tray from the cash register area. (I had to leave it to get kids settled.) I get them set up with food. The man is still yakking away. I go back and get forks/spoons for the kids. I get everyone settled, get coats off, split the sandwich and breathe a sigh of relief.

Anna starts screaming bloody murder because there's lettuce on her sandwich and it starts to fall apart as she eats it. Ok, problem fixed. I take a bite of my salad, and she insists since it’s on her plate it belongs to her and forbids me to eat the Caesar salad I had been craving. So, my child who NEVER eats salad, eats the whole thing. As I start eating my soup, Alex starts crying that he has to pee right that minute. We put down our forks (Anna cries because she loves her salad) and we run to the bathroom, praying my stuff is still there when we get back. Alex pees, singing the whole time. We come back and sit down. I take a bit of soup. Anna decides she wants some. She takes a bite and loves it and insists on eating it. Alex finishes his water and asks for more. I stall on getting up again,and finally she insists as well. I get more water. I sit down, take a bite of something since most of my dinner was eaten by my daughter, and Anna spills the whole glass of water over the table. No offer from busboy looking on (who still hasn’t bussed the table from before). I groan and mutter profanity under my breath and say, "Hey, guys. We’re out of here." Alex grabs the rest of his sandwich and we walk back to the car.

My memory of what could have been a magical Christmas evening, will forever be the disaster at the Reston La Madeline (not a kid friendly place at 6 p.m.) I will never take my kids back there, except that Anna keeps going on about the salad. Perhaps the memory is not Christmas but that Anna learned to love lettuce!

Simply Fall

I love Fall. I love the light, the beautiful colors on the trees and the cooler temps. I can’t compare it to the other seasons since I think each has its own special qualities. This afternoon, the kids and I enjoyed fall the simple way. The weather was just perfect—fleece only weather—to take a walk in the surrounding forested trails near our house. This is one of the things I love about Reston. A short walk will take you into a whole new, calming world away from the crazy life of suburbia.

The kids hopped in the wagon—Radio Flyer with all-terrain wheels (I knew this would come in handy eventually)—and we started our nature hike. No destination just a walk through the trees to enjoy the weather. We stopped along the way to watch the squirrels, play at the playgrounds, throw rocks off bridges into the streams. So often we walk and I have to hurry them along to get here and there. But today, we just walked.

The kids took turns pulling the wagon full of random stuff we picked up along the way. I turned around now and then and would catch one of them squatting on the ground looking at something or staring off into the distance. I wondered what they might be thinking. My son stopped, looked up at the sky, sighed and said: Mommy, the trees look so beautiful. I love fall. Let’s collect some pretty leaves to take home.

And that was just what we did.

Am I ready for the Big Girl Bed?

When my son was ready for the crib-to-big-boy-bed transition, it was an easy one to make. He asked one day, we bought the bed the next weekend and within a week the transition was done. Our only problem became early wake up time meant he was get out of bed instead of hanging in the crib because he had to.

Now we’re about ready for this same transition with my daughter; however, this time around I have very different feelings about getting rid of her crib. Part of it is nostalgia since this crib has been part of our décor for almost four years now, but part of it is fear. Fear of her never wanting to sleep once she upgrades to a big girl bed.

My son is very independent and very well-behaved when it comes to bedtime. We tell him it’s time for bed and 99 percent of the time, he stays in his bed with no question. My daughter is a very different breed. I anticipate the movement from crib to big girl bed will be a whole new opportunity for disobedience. Is that horrible to say about your child? Right now, we put her to bed and she sings herself to sleep. I hear her in the early mornings talking, but she tends to fall back asleep until a more reasonable hour.

Many friends who had to give up a crib for a new baby, lost the toddler nap when the crib left the room. My daughter, who never seems to need near as much sleep as her brother, I feel may go this route if the crib makes a grand exit. But on the other hand, I worry about her curiosity and her strength in scaling the sides of the crib. She hasn’t done it yet, but Alex has shown her how to do it.

I know we can always put up a gate at her door or even a door-knob cover to keep her in her room. But she has some pretty strong lungs, and I don't think a gate will stop her from screaming her way out of the room.

Is it safe to leave a two-year old in her crib? Should I take the leap and give her the freedom that I fear might temporarily throw off everyone’s sleep? Should I trust that since we had an easy go with my son, this one might go well, too? Is it really the parents that have the harder time with this than the kids?

Lost in education: Need directions

This was cross posted on DC Metro Moms a few days back when our topic of the day was education.

I was visiting my neighbor yesterday who has a kindergartener. She finally said they had to go inside and start homework. Homework for a five-year old? Yep, that's right, for those of you who don't have kids in school yet, apparently the schools give five-year olds homework. And at this school, homework means worksheets.

I cringed and flashed back to my elementary, middle school and junior high years when teachers thought mimeographed (remember that purple ink?) worksheets meant they were teaching us something. Please tell me kids are not still doing worksheets!

I'm a mom of a three-and-a-half year old and a two-year old. They will be in school fairly soon, so it's something always on my radar screen. The worksheet news wasn't good. It's bad enough kindergarten has gone to full day, which I understand makes sense to teachers and for most students. But the thought of my rambunctious preschooler having to spend an entire school day at school without a rest period quite honestly scares me. Then to think that there is homework on top of a full day at school. . .and not anything interest, but worksheets. When do kids get to be kids and learn by doing and exploring?

Quite honestly, I'm frightened by what I see coming out of the public education system year after year:

More emphasis on testing and less on learning in creative ways. The focus on paperwork means less time to teach. Sure, there are fabulous teachers out there, but when I think back on my whole public education career, how many good teachers did I have and how many bad ones? I can count the good ones on one hand. How scary is that?

When I hear other cultures are learning things like cooking, gardening, piano, or violin in school, I wonder what we've done with our education system where children drill on basics and still don't know the basics when they get out.

Fairfax County has one of the best public school systems in the country, which is one of the reasons we agreed to pay the high real estate prices when we moved here. But quite honestly, I find my attention turning toward private schools. The costs are insane, but when I think about my kids, especially my son's individual needs (my husband is sure he's a genius), I can't help but think that private school might be where he will excel the most.

The argument for public schools by many people is the increased diversity. Well, it's not like this area isn't diverse already with all the transplants from, well, everywhere. You can get diversity in just about every location in every neighborhood in the DC Metro area. It's one of the most diverse places--outside New York City--I would imagine you could live. We are fortunate enough to live in a community with not just the normal ethnic demographics, but we also get the diplomats and expatriates from new and exciting places. I wouldn't be surprised if they tend to send their kids to private schools as well.

I was hoping the Washington Post Magazine article a few weeks back would change my mind with the public vs. private decision, but it only solidified my leanings toward private schools.

The thing is, due to finances, we might be able to foot the bill for private school for a few years, but eventually our children will probably have to return to the public school system. Is that even worse? Perhaps there's a career out there for education consulting?

Needing a better shopping cart

I used to think taking your kid to the grocery store meant an opportunity for teaching: basic math or counting skills with fruit; colors with the veggies or even good eating habits. While I still believe that can be done with one child in the cart, it doesn’t work with two. Your shopping trip is spent corralling, bargaining and often times bribing so kids will just stay in the shopping cart.

If you have at least two children under the age of, say four, you probably know what I mean. In the latest issue of Parenting magazine, there was a blurb about shopping cart, 23,000 children end up in the emergency room from falling out of shopping carts. I believe it. We've had many near misses.

So here’s the thing--except for a very brief time when both my kids would fit in the cart, configured big boy in the front and baby riding in her infant seat in the back, shopping cart with kids really annoys the hell out me!

I have two kids less than two years apart. If I want to shop for anything other than a carton of milk, some bread and peanut butter, I have to use a shopping cart instead of the stroller. This means someone has to ride in the front and someone has to ride the back.

The problem is the back of the cart, where you toss all your stuff, is not safe for a child to sit. But we all do it because we have to. My kids stand up, grab stuff as they pass and throw things out. It’s also not practical to have someone in there because then where will you put your purchases?

If I’m lucky, some of the stores have double carts or the dreaded car carts. In principle these are a great idea. Two kids can ride in the car—strapped in—and you even have room for a third in the front with mom. Now, if your kids are normal, you have about 15 minutes before the sitting side-by-side in the car cart turns into a bloody mess, literally. My kids push and pull at each other. Sometimes entire torsos are sticking out from the car windows. Without my knowing, products come off shelves and into the car. Shoes are flung out of the car cart windows, many times causing me to race back through the store to find the missing shoe. (Have you ever raced in one of these carts?? It’s not a pretty sight.)

Some stores have older kid carts where the two “buddied up” siblings sit facing each other on plastic seats. This is another recipe for disaster. These, too, get us about 15 minutes into the store before someone wiggles out of the straps or pushing the other one out. Then I’m left with two kids running around while I chase them with a giant un-maneuverable cart.

So where does this leave those of us with kids, whether it’s two, three of four of them that all need to ride—or be restrained—in the carts? If they’re not making a break from mom running through Target, then they are trying to scale the side of the cart. If we bribe them through the store (my personal favorite) then we start a habit where every cart-infested store requires a muffin or new item to keep kids in their seats and out of trouble.

Surely some brilliant inventor can come up with a cart to suit those with more than one child. I wish my travels to other countries gave me some great insight into shopping carts—it didn’t. In Qatar, we didn’t even have straps in the carts to keep the kids secure. Perhaps more of the bigger stores will have play areas for kids or even (gasp) child care like the Wegmans in Dulles.

So then after a little research online, I found these awesome shopping carts from Caboco that can be found at a Midwestern grocery store chain. (See picture) There is a TV option in the cart to keep kids entertained. While I think that’s a bit extreme, if it meant I could shop in peace, I might just do it. The best part about it, the customer pays $1 for the use of it. Awesome, that's what they do in Europe, anyway. However, for me, this still doesn’t solve the problem of my kids pushing each other out of the cart, but if they were preoccupied with a TV show they might just leave each other alone.

Still there must be another way to configure shopping cart? Back to back, one in front of the other, side by side with a wall in between. It’s actually a good thing for me. Target is unfortunately where a good portion of our money goes each month; however, I avoid it like the plague with both my kids because of the shopping carts. If I had a way to leisurely stroll the aisles, just think how much more money I would spend. My husband thanks you for this!

There seems to be no solution other than going while the kids are in school, on the weekend or sending my husband out instead.

This article was cross-posted on DC Metro Moms.

Readying the closet for winter

Since it's still 80 degrees here, I’m not talking about getting my winter clothes out quite yet, but I am starting to get my entry way and coat closet prepared for the cooler/wetter temperatures. I will miss the season of Crocs when socks or real shoes are not required.

Some people are fanatical about their kitchen or bathroom being clean and organized. For me, it’s my entry way. This started in Sweden when cold/wet weather struck right about mid-October and lasted into May. We had hats, boots, coats, mittens, gloves, scarves for four people everywhere all the time for seven months. Something had to be done!

So I got organized. Two years later, I am still the entry way Nazi here in Northern Virginia where the weather isn’t quite as harsh, but is more unpredictable. Coats and sweaters can be part of our wardrobe starting in September and carry us well into April, but there might be weeks of hot weather causing the even worse “are we done with boots or not yet” syndrome.

I have a devised a very useful way to organize my teeny tiny townhouse foyer and coat closet. Here are my tips for those with small children when you need to keep all the cold weather items right at hand to get out the door faster.

1. Get yourself a shoe cubby. I bought one from Target the first day we moved into this house. It holds 16 kid shoes and all their shoes are right there. Every time they walk in the house, shoes go in the cubby. When we get ready to leave, shoes are already in the cubby. No excess mess on my floors and very little looking for shoes later on.

2. Get two sets of hooks to hang umbrellas, coats, hats, bags, etc. right where you can get them all quickly.

3. Bring all the socks for the kids downstairs. Don’t keep them in the drawers. Keep them where you need them most, by the front door. I have all the kids socks in a vinyl shoe holder in my coat closet. These over-the-door shoe organizers can organize so much more, and kids' socks fit perfectly in the slots.

4. If you have room, add another vinyl shoe holder to put mittens, gloves and hats in so you can just grab and go. Then everything is right where you need it, and you can see it easily. The best part is the kids learn to put it back in the lower slots.

5. I have two medium-sized Rubbermaid tubs on the shelf that house all rain gear and another for snow gear. It’s stuff above and beyond what we use regularly.

6. On the floor is a two-shelf shoe organizer with our boots and wintery shoes.

Bring on the cold and rain!

(All of the organizers are from Target costing less than $30)

Goodbye to a familiar friend

While inspecting my basement for excess clutter this week, I noticed two big items that have not moved in quite some time—the double strollers. I have two left. (That's right, this household has seen a total of four double strollers.) One is a double umbrella stroller, and the other is a DuoGlider handed down from a neighbor. The umbrella stroller actually had cobwebs on it, and the DuoGlider just pissed me off so much on our last zoo visit that I decided it was time for it to go. I posted the listing on my mom’s group site and had several instant notes from moms ready to take them off my hands. The first was picked up today and the last will go this weekend. It's a bit strange not having something to strap my kids into at the same time. It is good to be free of these contraptions. It was a bitter-sweet parting.

I am now left with only two single strollers. I shall never part with my Mountain Buggy Urban.

Two hours!

So after I complained about my monkeys in yesterday’s post, they seemed to have redefined their role in the household today. After struggling overnight with a head cold, congestion and about three hours of sleep, I woke up to two agreeable children.

What’s this?

This morning I got two hours, yes, that’s right two whole hours of children playing together nicely. They ate their breakfast, hopped down from their chairs and went right to work on playing for two hours. I was able to clean up the breakfast dishes, read the entire paper, take a shower, get dressed, start the laundry and get full make up on before we had to leave the house. There were no tears this morning, no fighting and no pushing. Dare I say, the morning was filled with [whisper] playing, reading, sharing and cleaning up. All of this unsolicited. You think I’m lying? After my shower, I walked into Alex’s room to see them playing Legos. He was teaching Anna how to build and how to share. Then I hear them cleaning up with Alex instructing Anna on how to do it. Five minutes later I walk in and the room was cleaned up.

The day concluded with Alex coming up to Anna saying, "Anna I have a surprise for you?" He had brought her favorite toy!

Who are these children and may they live in this house forever?

What to do?

I just thought as my kids got older, we’d be able to go more places together. But now that no one wants to sit in a stroller or a shopping cart, my outings have been limited, once again, to playgrounds or playgroups.

Yesterday’s outing to the National Zoo was the final straw for outings with both kids, unless I can get my husband to come along with us. (Which is almost impossible due to his work schedule.) The past week we’ve had disaster at the farm, Target, multiple grocery stores and the mall. It was not until the zoo that I realized what the problem was: one toddler defying the stroller + one preschooler not listening = disaster for all.

So where does that leave me now? I have two mornings a week with no children. That leaves me four hours a week to run errands. Ok, that should be sufficient. But then what activities am I left to do with my kids where they don’t need a leash. We’ve tried taking nature walks, inevitably one darts ahead and the other lags behind enough that I’m standing in the middle 20 feet from both. Museums don’t work anymore because Anna wants to climb on everything that she shouldn’t and that leaves us in temper tantrum central. (Why does Northern Virginia/DC not have a Children’s Museum?)

The farm doesn’t seem to work anymore. I look away for a second as I watch Anna stick her hand in the chicken coop and get pecked on the hand or see her trying to scare a cow with her shrill scream. Even places like Target and the mall that were my back up activities have turned into nightmares as children dangle from or parachute off carts.

I feel as though I’m back to my early days of having a baby where the only safe place was a confined area fully baby proofed. (Again, why does this area not have an indoor playground for the hot/cold/rainy days?) Please, I need suggestions for outings with a three- and two-year old where no one will get hurt, including me.

Tummy and Tot: Tips for those expecting #2

I'm dedicating this post to those I know who are expecting that second baby.

So I have had a few people ask recently about pregnancy with baby #2 and a toddler (under the age of 2) in tow. The question always seems to be the same, “how did you do it?”

I laugh when I think about this now. I still remember the day I stood there looking at the positive pregnancy test. Alex was playing on our floor somewhat happy. I looked at the pregnancy test, and I actually started to cry and so did Alex. How was I going to manage this? Alex was 7 months at the time, and I was pregnant with baby #2.

Anyone reading this who is in the same boat or even if you spaced yours a little better, knows that it’s going to be hard and you will learn many things, but in the end, you will like the decision. You might decide you wouldn’t do it again (like I have), but you will probably learn to love the close ages of your kids.

I love that while my friends with 3-year olds are just starting to have second babies, my kids are already playing together. Not always nicely or fairly, but they can play together with Legos, dress up, playdoh, house, knights, spaceman, etc. I’m done with sleepless nights, should I choose not to have more kids. I’m done with Baby Bjorns, strollers for the most part and bottles. There are definitely pros to having kids close. And aren’t your old maternity clothes still in style?

Pregnancy is tough enough, but with a baby under one it can be a bit tricky. Here are a few suggestions for those taking the plunge:

Surround yourself with other moms who have 2 or more kids. Find someone a bit ahead of you in this game. You’d be surprised how many people out there have kids this close (under 2). They will be your best source for info. They are happy to provide you with tips on getting people out of the house or feeding the crew.

Find some kind of “child care” for your older child. No, I’m not talking about signing him up for daycare, but I won’t tell you how many days I longed to just go to work and let someone else deal with this. Find a mother’s morning out program, a preschool program for an 18-month year old, a gym with good child care or even a part time nanny. You don’t get a medal for doing this all yourself so get some assistance. Even a few hours a week to collect your sanity is worth it. Your older child will enjoy having a new face and other children to play with and you’ll enjoy the break. Do this early and introduce your older child to the situation before the baby comes.

Get a second crib. Borrow one, buy one used or whatever. If your child isn’t in a big bed, don’t push it. Cribs provide a safe place for your toddler. Cribs better ensure that naptime continues when new baby comes. Cribs mean you can put your child in there to read/play while you nurse or deal with a diaper change. If you can make it work financially, get another crib. You can always sell it later to another mom in need.

Gear can be overwhelming so wait and see what you need before you buy. I will tell you the one big thing that saved my life the first few weeks was the sling. The Baby Bjorn I used later, but with a sling I could feed the baby then she’d nap and then just hang out. All right there with me while I had hands for Alex. If I knew then what I know now, I would have invested in a great double stroller. Even after dropping $350 for my Mountain Buggy (my husband wants me to write Ode to the Mountain Buggy) I still wished I would have sold it and bought a Phil and Ted E3.

Get some extra help for the first few days/weeks after baby comes. I’m talking mom, sister, aunt, hired babysitter, etc. Those first few weeks are so hard feeding and dealing with a toddler who doesn’t understand this new life that has invaded on his territory. Most babies just eat and sleep, but you might be doing a lot of nursing and that can be hard when your hardly walking toddler needs something. Give yourself time to recover because you’ll need the energy and see if relatives or friends can pitch in with dinners or babysitting.

If your child isn’t on a nap/sleep schedule, get him on one. It will make things easier if you know you count on a nap and a good bedtime. I had friends that struggled with this and realized too late they should have done this before the new baby came.

If your child looks ready to potty train and shows interest, go ahead and do it. You may have some regression when the new baby comes, but at least the hard part is over. Trust me. It’s much easier doing this with only one child to focus on.

Take a vacation. This may sound like a crazy thing to do. We took a trip to Syria when Alex was 10 months old and I was 4 months pregnant. It was nice to get away from Qatar and see some sights. It was over a year before we could do this again. If you have a chance to take a long weekend—with or without your toddler—I recommend doing it. It’s a lot easier to travel with one than two.

At the hospital, let them take your new bundle the nursery to sleep. If you’re like me, I insisted my first born stay in the room the whole time. Poor Anna, I sent her away the second night just so I could sleep and get caught up for the next day when we went home. It was the best thing I did for myself.

I'd love to hear what other tips moms might have for those embarking on this great adventure.

Please drive through . . . Safeway?

One of the other things I miss about Sweden is small markets. I used to stop on the way home from somewhere at our local (very small grocery store) corner market, jump out, grab a dozen eggs/carton of milk/veggies and dash out. No big parking lots, no big lines and easy to navigate--just your typical European corner market. The clincher on this one that made it even easier sometimes…..I could leave my kids in the car. [Gasp] I know moms around the country are ready to just call in right now and report me to Child Protective Services. And, no, I have not done this here, believe me, my husband warned me about that before we came back. But in our little suburb in Stockholm we could do this. Just leave the kids strapped in the car and dash in for a few items. It was great for a mom of two under two. In fact, you could even leave them outside the shop sleeping in a pram and run in and shop. Crazy, huh? I think a Danish woman in NYC was arrested for this.

This is why I think some inventive grocery store needs to come up with a drive-through window. No, it’s not that I’m lazy. I often do walk to our grocery store. But sometimes on the way home from somewhere, you just need a gallon of milk or a loaf of bread to hold you over until morning. With two little ones, it is hellish to unload kids, wrestle them into the cart , run in the store, stand in line and reload everyone into carseats for just one item.

I would love to go somewhere that has a drive through where you call ahead, give them your name and you just pick it up your item(s) without unloading the kids. It would have to be 5 items or less, and you’d have to not be picky about the brand, but I think it could work. If grocery stores like Wegmans (see Reston Baby related blog post) can come up with child care for grocery stores, surely someone can make a drive-through window.

Making a come back from babydom

The baby cycle can be harsh for some of us. I have friends who seem to bounce back from “Babydom” so quickly that I’m convinced not only are their bodies made for babies, but so are their souls. While I love my kids more than words can possibly express, I have a bit of a selfish streak in me that wants parts of my former life back from BK (before kids) in order to feel myself again.

Now, I know that things will never be as they were because my kids have changed me forever. Parenthood has made me a completely different woman. But there seems to be cycle for some moms of integrating back into society after babies.

Well, for those of us with babies two years apart or less sometimes that’s a bit difficult to ever complete the cycle. By the time you have slimmed down enough to fit into anything other than jogging pants, grown back the hair that was lost from post-partum hormone changes, and hesitantly found your way back to some exercise, then BAM you’re pregnant again!

My youngest is now 2 and I finally accomplished one of the last things I needed to do in order to reintegrate back into something other than babies all the time. That big moment was to read a few books that were not parenting books. For many this is an easy task. For me, reading means having segments of time during the day to dedicate to a story. I prefer to use those blocks of time to write, play computer or craft. I’m sure everyone’s “recovery” from baby is different, but I did laugh when I actually wrote it out and saw how much had to do with jeans and weight. Why is that?

My post-partum routine goes something like this:

1. Baby is born. (Whew, glad that is over with)
2. Eat and drink all the stuff I couldn’t while pregnant. (Wine and wine sometimes this is even before I leave the hospital.)
3. Get back into non pregnancy clothes
4. Get back into any pair of jeans
5. Get back into MY old pair of jeans
6. Get myself to the gym (This is when I found out I was pregnant with Anna) 7. Find a wardrobe that fits new lifestyle with baby
8. Find a babysitter who can sit with my kids so I can go out once in a while
9. Think about something besides babies and kids
10. Read anything besides something about babies and kids (this includes a newspaper)
11. Get back into a hobby
12. Get myself back into real shape (Not just walking on the treadmill) But I'm trying to get there still. . . .
13. Converse with people, including other moms, about something other than kids
14. Start reading real books. (Bingo! I have read 5 books in 2 months)

So this is a big deal for me. This I consider my full recovery from babydom. I hear my friends talking about having third and fourth babies, and all I can think is, ‘I’ve just come back. I need some time to enjoy life before I dive back in to the cycle again.’

Out and about with the monkeys

It has finally gotten easier. Yesterday, with the kids, we managed a series of outings which included: the gym for mommy to workout, buying new school shoes for both kids (OK, it was Payless), going to the grocery store, coming home for nap, going back out for Anna to get a haircut, going back to the grocery store because I forgot the milk and the library. The only one that was a major flop was the library. Two-year olds should not go to the library. Anna spent the whole time at the computer trying “check the email.” Apparently mommy spends far too much time on the computer, but I digress.

If you had told me two years ago that I’d be able to manage this many outings with both kids, I would have laughed in your face and then sat down to cry because I was only ever able to manage one outing a day and usually that didn’t go well.

In addition to this little triumph yesterday, it was validation for me after running across this email I had sent out almost 2 years ago after just moving to Sweden. Enjoy!

From October 2005 (Alex 19 months and Anna 3 months)
"We had run out of veggies and wine.....two staples of the Kerr household that must always be stocked. I decided to make a mid-week run to the big grocery store. I had my list all ready and everyone's feedings timed. However, I was out of the cookies I use to bribe Alex to sit quietly in the cart through the store. This could prove to be a problem.

We arrive at the store. I park far away as my husband has instructed me to do so as not to ding the new Volvo wagon. (I love you, honey.) There are usually various corrals for the carts throughout the parking lot. The MO usually goes....get a cart (paying my 5 SEK deposit since they are apparently afraid people will run off with the carts), load up Alex in the cart, load up Anna in the Bjorn and hurry before people get fussy. Today, I went to the nearest place to get a cart and there were no carts. Annoyed, I tried the next one, also out. Apparently someone invested their lifesavings and DID run off with every cart in the parking lot. Frustrated, I got Alex out of the car and made him wait next to me while I loaded up Anna in the Bjorn. Alex started to walk with me through the parking lot. He won't hold my hand so I have to guide him kind of. He wanted to stop at each car and try to open the door. I finally had to grab his hand as cars were coming, but his favorite thing to do is make you hold him by his hand so he's hanging. Nice mom, huh?

Once we get to the carts, he screams about going into the seat. (Mind you, I’m lifting him in with Anna still in the Bjorn killing my arms/chest.) I had seen other toddlers riding in the cart part and thought since my list was short, I'd let him do that. He enjoyed it for about 10 minutes. We zipped through the store as quickly as possible, all the while telling Alex to sit down. As each item was placed in the cart, he tried to open it.....peppers, rice, chicken, diapers (oh, wait, he threw those out of the cart). Then Anna started to scream. Usually her MO when we get to the checkout, but she decided to start early this time. Then we pick up Alex's cookies and I tried to hide them from him, but he spotted them and I had to listen to "cookie cookie" through the whole store. Luckily, we were almost done. We get to the cashier and though it is 10:30 a.m. there is ONE cashier open. So we wait. I hear cookie cookie and Anna crying. As I load up the groceries onto the belt, he cries each time I take one away from him. Rice....boo hoo hoo.....chicken....boo hoo hoo. Then Anna luckily passes out. We make it to the car, finally. I load up the groceries and take him out of the cart. We needed to stop and get wine which is sold next door. So we bring back the cart and I get my 5 SEK back. We walk to the liquor store to get their cart....wait, there's no place for Alex to sit in that cart. So we have to walk back and get another grocery cart to take in with us. This time he's screaming about sitting in the chair. Now he has his cookies so he's OK for a bit. We zip through the store. Then Alex needs his water and he's screaming at the top of his lungs for water. (Something not done by Swedish children) We went to the car, where I promptly forgot to locate the water, but woke up Anna while putting her back in the car. She screamed, Alex made faces at her and I was sweating. Returned the cart, loaded up the wine (which I now felt I needed some of) and drove home. All the while Anna screaming at the top of her lungs and Alex asking for water which I couldn’t locate. We pulled into the drive and she continued to scream, he got out of the car and fell and cried. Everyone crying....including almost mommy. So I plopped Alex in his high chair to watch his Baby Einstein DVD and fed Anna, totally forgetting that I left all the car doors open when we made our quick entry into the house. Man, I'm beat. It's only 1 p.m.!!!!!!"

The funny thing, upon reading this now, is that this stuff stills happens. I have just learned to ignore some of it and plan a bit more. What would I have done differently now? Taken the double stroller and an extra bag to fill with groceries. Gotten the cookies first to bribe and prayed for the best. Live and learn, huh?

Body by Baby

Before I had a baby, I wasn’t really in great shape, but I worked out pretty regularly. After my oldest was born, I was back at the gym, regularly, by the time Alex was four months. This was mainly as an escape from the baby every now and again. I never really got back to my pre-pregnancy weight after Alex since he was seven months old when I got pregnancy with baby #2. (I can hear the sighs now. Yes, I know that was crazy!)

After Anna was born, it took me six months to get myself to the gym. But upon my reemergence into the workout world, I discovered that I was already in shape. I could run a good 20-30 minutes on the treadmill without too much work and wow, I could lift weights like I could back when I was working out regularly. How, you ask, is this possible? Let me explain:

• Baby in Baby Bjorn, toddler carried on hip, diaper bag on back
  
• Baby in infant carrier, toddler on hip, diaper bag on shoulder
• Baby in stroller/Baby Bjorn, toddler riding on shoulders, diaper back balanced on knee
  
• Lifting toddler into/out of stroller with baby in Baby Bjorn
  
• Carrying both kids on hip, toddler carrying diaper bag

Ok, so you get the point. I was a regular workout junkie without even knowing it. I could lift and squat with the best of them with at least 40 pounds of baby/toddler on me at a given time.

Alex and Anna are now 3 ½ and 2, respectively, and really babies no more. They either walk everywhere or catch a ride in the stroller that they can climb into themselves. But this week I was forced to resort to one of my old positions of baby in stroller and older baby on shoulders due to a hurt foot and paid for this later. After a few months of workouts limited to running and kickboxing, I realized I had neglected to do and weight training. Today, on a whim, I decided to go back to the old weight routine (the one I could do when Anna was six months old) and found out that I am, indeed, out of baby shape.

While taking care of two children less than two years apart is a lot of work, what once was physical work has now become mental and emotional work. Now it’s about negotiating, scheming, creativity and planning, instead of balancing, lifting, squatting or running. For the past four years, my body which has been defined by babies—nine months of pregnancy, recovery/breastfeeding, nine more months of pregnancy, recovery/breastfeeding, heavy lifting of two children—is now defined by me. Guess, I should start going to the gym more often. Thank God they have childcare there.

Considering a double stroller? Read this!

Please check out our Baby Bunching site if you're in need a double stroller advice.

Double strollers are everywhere these days. Either a result of children close together or innovative stroller company employees to expand beyond the Graco DuoGlider. Pretty much any configuration of stroller you can imagine is now available. So if you’re in the market for one, where do you start? Which one will work the best for the longest period of time and not put you in the poor house? As a mom who is almost out of the stroller phase completely, I will share my wisdom of 2 years of double strollering + input from friends.

The good news: there is a nice variety of double strollers to pick from these days that will take you through most of your double stroller years.

The bad news: there is no perfect stroller.Strollers are not merely a form of transportation for your wee ones.

Strollers are highchairs, beds, places to strap in a child when you need to help the other, or respite from a long walk. I only wish it was about getting from point A to B. Strollers are probably the single most important piece of gear that you own—next to your car and dishwasher of course.

For those with two so small, a stroller is essential in getting you out of the house and about your daily life. So, why isn’t there a perfect stroller out there? If a stroller could grow and change as your children did, perhaps there someday might be a perfect one. [A few recent strollers now do come close to this.] A 6-week old baby who sleeps 90% of the time uses the stroller to nap. An 11-month old baby who is ready to see the world, may use the stroller to play with her feet. An 18-month old 30-pound baby defies any reason to be in the stroller. But you all know this, you have older children.

I am a stroller fanatic. I am to strollers like my husband to cars. In fact, if they had a stroller magazine (aka Stroller and Driver), I would seriously subscribe to it. Double strollers are no different. When my two were little (ok, before my youngest was even born), I research strollers like crazy. I was the proud owner of a Mountain Buggy Urban, which I will most definitely say is one of the best investments we ever made. But at $350 I wasn't ready to part with it after the birth of my daughter or invest another $700 for the double version. So, I got by the best I could on what I had and could afford. Which ended up being a compilation of many different things, all the while wishing I had the “perfect” stroller.

If you have two children less than two years apart, in your early or even later months of pregnancy you may ask if you even need a double stroller. The answer is a resounding YES. If you children are 14 months apart, your oldest will be walking probably, but you will still be doing a lot of carrying him or her around as they tend to not walk in your desired direction. If your children are 22 months apart, he may be a more skilled walker, but I guarantee he will still poop out in the middle of zoo. It may be a long walk back to the car.

They now make every type of stroller imaginable. Tandem (front to back), twin (side-by-side), sit and stand, double jogging strollers, double 3 wheel (front to back), toddler attachments for the front and toddler attachments for the back. My first piece of advice is that if you can’t afford one of the expensive multi-purpose strollers that you can take to the mall and for a walk, then I would go the second-hand route and buy strollers as you need them as your needs change. (You would be surprised how much people give away on Craigslist or Freecycle.) In the end you may still come out ahead. We started out with a single stroller and the Baby Bjorn until my daughter was about 4-5 months old. We then moved on to the double. My youngest loved to sit in it, by my oldest wanted to have nothing to do with her sitting so close. We had a few months where they would sit together. Soon, I had to abandon the double altogether due to constant fighting (hitting, leaning, picking, pulling, pushing). When my youngest was about a year, we sold our double stroller (InStep Safari TT), and bought a double umbrella stroller. It was then, my two decided it was OK to sit next to each other. The problem with this, was they were both so heavy by now (27 and 35 pounds) that I could barely push the stroller with both in it. Now that I'm in the later stages of stroller life, my biggest regret was not making an investment in the Phil and Ted E3.

In research for our book, I asked moms of two under two on several yahoo groups what strollers they found to be the best.

Best strollers and why:(all feedback from moms)

Phil and Ted E3
Pros: Single stroller width with a double stroller attachment. Maneuvers like a single. All terrain. Great for the mall too.
Cons: Expensive. Small storage space. One child sits low to the ground.

Mountain Buggy Urban Double
Pros: Very easy to maneuver. Great on all terrain.
Cons: Expensive. Bulky in the trunk. Harder to use at the mall. Double stroller width.

Peg Perego Aria
Pros: Easy to maneuver. Light and small for in and out of car.
Cons: Not great for walks on anything other than sidewalk. Can be hard to push once older child starts getting close to 35 pounds.

Graco DuoGlider
Pros: Great for a newborn since you can clip on a carseat. Easy to get through aisles. Lots of storage space.
Cons: Harder to maneuver. Takes up lots of trunk space. Not great for long walks.

Jane Powertwin
Pros: Compact for a double stroller. One-handed push. Plenty of storage space. Fits carseat. Stadium seating.

Joovy Sit and Stand
Pros: Can fit infant car seat, older child can sit or stand. Lighter than the DuoGlider, takes up less trunk space than DuoGlider, can essentially turn into a DuoGlider though when you need that configuration.
Cons: Harder to maneuver. Not great for long walks.

NEW Kolcraft Contour Double Stroller
Pros: Easy to navigate, great flexibility with seat configurations.
Cons: Heavy, seats much face a certain way to fold all the way down.


Knowing what I know now, which one would I have invested in? Either the Phil and Ted or the Jane Power Twin. For my needs, both shopping and walking, the investment would have been worth it. The weight of any of these? If you have a garage to store them in, a good multipurpose double stroller to use for a few years, is worth the money and weight.